Heck, it's New Year's Eve!

Can you believe I will go to an actual NY'sE party with people my age? I don't think this has ever happened. For much of my young life I was toted around with my Parents to their parties. And ok, back in highschool I attended a party of mixed ages, where I played perhaps my FIRST Werewolf game. I can still remember stupid Brian, with this confused look on his face as we walked into a club full of Vampires, got introduced to some Prince, and his explanation for us being here: "BUT WE'RE WEREWOLVES!!"

We died soon after.

Ok, so that was also one of two parties where I actually got to smooch someone when the ball dropped. The other was when Chris took me to a party full of college students. The memorable quote there was from some chick, making some comment that involved being amazed that I was actually cute. After that, a couple more parental new year's. . . . some more roleplaying events, and one gathering of three in an apartment. . . But finally, this year, I'm invited to a full-fledged drinking New Year's Party.

So, this is where I should get down to reflecting on 2002. Just like Adam, for the most part I'd say it sucked. At least, the first half. Which honestly sucked so much, that evenly distributed it well covers the year. Mind fucks? had em'. And in all honesty, I think I may have dealed out one or two myself, but just for today let's blame it on the year. The second half was pretty surreal and wonderful. I mean, Hawaii + Getting Engaged. And of course, there's all the friends that saved my life this year. I love my Dave so very much, and happy to get to spend the long years together. But some friends I'm going to lose along the way. That's the way it always is. But I wanted to say for the first time in a long time, I have friends that I love and care about. Seems alot of the time in life, I had friends because I needed people to hang out with. But this year, when things were at their worst, I had people to turn to. People I wish I could take with me.

I've been spending time with the Highschool crew of friends. It's alot of fun, but sometimes it's a bit awkward. I mean, I never spent much time getting to know them in school. Too busy making out and keeping on honor roll. I wish I would have taken the time. They are really funny, odd, and intelligent people. It wasn't until I started dating one of them that I really got to know the rest, and that's just silly. It's hard, trying to work on new friendships over the scattered school breaks, and also a little awkward to see Dave K. with another girlfriend, being smoochy. Makes me miss my own Dave like crazy. Sometimes all the effort makes me miss my friends at Hiram.

Well, this could very well be the last entry before the new year, so here goes the final stretch of 2002 ramblings:

Here's to 2002, a year that gave me the time to break my heart, find folks to help me put it back together, and finally be ready to walk off the stage of Hiram, a bit wiser, a bit more cynical, but breathing easier. And here's to 2003: a year of infinite possibilities full of new places and lives and friends. . . and hopefully a New Year's Eve where I get to smooch my Dave instead of wishing he was there.

Hell is Teenagers and Kareoke

Damn, I don't know if I spelled that right. Anyway, take my word for it. My 13-year-old sister Liz is the room next to me with her friend Sam, both of them screeching songs they don't know the melodies to by pratically swallowing their microphones. My ears hurt. But this is the only time I get to be online. This has to be hell, at least, one of those lesser hells. Yeah.

Well, I saw the extended version of "Fellowship of the Ring" and I've gotta say, THIS is the finest most fantastic movie ever. They had left so many things out of the original release, and now the events make more sense, the characters are more fleshed out, and Gimli even falls in love with Galadriel, like he's SUPPOSED TO. Lothlorien, in general, makes up alot more of the movie than it did before. Bilbo has a much bigger chunk of the beginning too. . . . *sigh* It was like seeing the movie for the first time all over again. But actually, it's more like reading a book when you're a kid and then reading it when you're an adult. When you're little, you get all the events, but sometimes you miss the symbolism, the conflict, the subtext until you're an adult. ROCK ROCK ROCK.

I also got to see some of "Band of Brothers" and despite the fact that it's a "war movie" I really got sucked into it. Don has ten hours worth of DVD's of it, so I guess there's plenty of it to go around.

Damn, these girls are really obnoxious. I must now will my jaw to unclench. And above all, I have to just let them be. . ach.

My two cents on existence: I've once heard society compared to a living tissue, and all of us cells making it up. Cells can commit suicide, just like people. From a biological standpoint, you'd wonder why any organism or cell would have a mechanism for ending themselves. But it makes sense if you think about usefulness. Your muscles atrophy if you don't use them, and those cells you don't use die. For alot of folks, it's important to feel useful. It's important to feel like you make a difference, like someone needs you, like you have something to contribute, or even just that you can do something well. Could be that, if you felt useless, with nothing to contribute, if you were good at nothing. . . what is exactly is the point of taking up energy and space? It's simple when you're just a cell. It's complicated when you're a person, and you "exist." Who judges your usefulness? What is usefulness? So what if you're not?

It's something I bump up against many, many times. There have been alot of situations where I could relax and choose a perfectly wonderful situation in life--or I could work a bit and stress a bit and perhaps push myself a bit farther. And every time I wonder: Which is worth more? Am I supposed to relax and take what comes to me? Do I really need to work harder? What happens if I relax? Will I regret not trying harder?

Happens all the time. As far as I can tell, either situation isn't perfect. I look back too much, and regret is too easy. But if I work all the time, where is the reward in that? It's the middle path. . .man, I've heard of that before.

So far, I've learned one or two things that were profoundly useful in life:

1) Hardly anyone knows much--I barely know anything. And those who really do know what life is all about, rarely let on that they do. You have to take everyone's advice with a grain of salt, but still, you don't really know better either. It's that whole "life is a tale told by an idiot" deal.
2)Regardless of whether we're God's special creatures or a cosmic accident or alien clones, we're here and we're together. The only thing that does seem to hold up is treating others as you would treat yourself. Which is hard. We tend to be most critical of others who have the same flaws we do.

Ok, that' s all. Sleep tight, kiddies.

Christmas dribbles away . . . .

Gary: Maybe it was a dream, you know, a very weird, bizarre, vivid, erotic, wet, detailed dream. Maybe we have malaria.
--"Weird Science"

Ach! I have so many things to type here. It's inevitable, after leaving home for 2 days and then barely being there when you get back!

Well, let's move in a logical order, from past to present. Thursday morning we were off to Clarksburgh, WV; it was time to stay with Uncle Dan and Aunt Ellen (on the Pollack side) in their gigantic house with no children of their own. All in all, a very nice time. I got to see some of my favorite relatives, and the typically outspoken but joking Aunt Ellen kept mostly in line. When I told her that Dave and I would be living together, she dramatically gasped "Oh you little slut!" in the way only Aunt Ellen can. I always admire her ability to be rude, loud, and honest without being offensive. She threatened to tell my grand-aunt Mary. Aunt Mary is my Grandpa Pollack's sharp & shrewd sister, who once told a boyfriend of mine "Hello, I'm Aunt Mary. I'm the boss."

As always. . .we'lll see.

Back at home on friday, we pulled into our driveway only to be followed by a car. Now, we have a long driveway, which goes up a hill and then breaks down into gravel and leads to a dead end: most folks don't go there unless they are lost. As we parked our cars at the house, out stepped Dave K. and Jonah, with Heather in the car. My highschool compatriot Erika was having a little shindig at her house, so I was already invited complete with ride to go. At Erika's place the drinks and snacks were in great multitudes--she was a grand hostess. Packing the kitchen were lots of friends from the old highschool days, even some fellow castmembers from Pippin. I got to see its star, Mr. Jesse Littman, who's solos had made me swoon many a time, but alas he left early so I didn't get to check up on his life. That's what we do these days, at these gatherings: check in on people. ..
1)How are you doing?
2)Where are you now?
3)What are you studying? / What are you looking to do?

It's always the same. But for some reason I like to know--there was a time I wouldn't have cared at all. Growing older? Eh, who knows.

I had two Coronas with lime, and I think that I'll stick to beer at these gatherings from now on. I spent the entire time slightly buzzy and warm, but not dizzy or ill. We played Taboo while Justin, Dave K., and Heather sat in one corner playing "The Awesome High-Five Game" which involved giving everyone in their group a high five when something "awesome" happened. Looked like fun :) We have agreed that anyone possesing pleather pants should wear them to the upcoming New Year's Eve party at Jonah's House, and since I do not have pleather pants, I'll wear my stripey pants, dubbed "Pirate Pants" by my brother. So Now I don't have to worry about what I'm going to wear.

Finally, I made it home about 3:30AM, played Dungeon Keeper 2 till 4:30AM, and then went to sleep. I think that sometimes, when you get a little drunk, you stay slightly drunk for a long time. At least I do. I had dark and steamy dreams. I spent most of my dream as part of a college class doing a field trip to a nuclear reactor that we had to turn on. It was full of those tall ceilings again, very industrial, and we had to ride in an APV (all-purpose-vehicle) like in ALIENS into the core of the complex; the vehicle rode on rails and I had to drive it down many musty cement corridors. Of course, there was an alien hive at the center, so we had to blast our way in-->I'm always so happy to have a shoot-up aliens dream. We made it in, turned on the reactor, apparently to have it self-destruct, and then I had to pilot us back out, where we hopped in a rental van to make it to a minimum safe distance. I sat around marvelling at my adventure, thinking that it was amazing that we made it out alive, that I had seen aliens at all, and that the government had engineered them. Then I worried they'd escape before the reactor blew up. But who knows.

Then I began to dream--like a dream within a dream--that I was roommates with that blonde girl down the hall from me in Henry (the one who was making eyes at Andy during Rocky Horror Picture Show). She wore some sort of sleevless top and her hair was up off her neck, and in the dream I kept thinking about how beautiful she was. She had one of those mouths that, when relaxed, is always slightly frowning. She was sitting at a desk, and I was sitting high above her--almost a full story up--in a loft bed. I didn't want to disturb or offend her.

Then I dreamt I was some egyptian making love to a Pharoah--complete with headress. And then I woke up. Mom said I had a phone call.

It was 3:00PM and my friend Chris was heading into Wheeling and wanted to know if I'd come along. So 20 minutes later I was off to the Fish Market. Usually I get the local favorite fish sandwhich, but I had already had a pepperoni roll. So I just ordered clam chowder. I had to repeat my order three times to the cashier. she could hardly believe that I didn't want a sandwhich too. Nope, just clam chowder thankyouverymuch. After that, we were off to the mall, back home to watch Buffy episodes, and then we played Monkey Ball 2--which was Waaaaay more fun then I thought it would be. And now here I am. Still thinking about how weird my dream was--the almost girl-on-girl dreams are a rare occasion indeed. Did you eve have a dream that stays with you, and yet there wasn't much to it? Like there was something important that you can't quite remember?

Yeah, maybe.

Almost time to get back to business. Lots of work to be done. And oh, how I wish it was summer already.

A Nuclear Christmas

Merry Christmas Everyone who cares or doesn't!!!

Typically, the Pollack Family Christmas goes as follows:
1) Wake up
2) Open presents
3) Get dressed and rush away to Grandpa G's house
4) Open Garvin family presents, and spend the day lolling about there
5) Go home, go to sleep, wake up, Go to Fairmont to visit the Pollack Family (Extended Version)
6) Open more presents, hang out with the cousins.

Events 3 & 4 did not happen today, so 75% of christmas was alot less social than usual. It was, in all honesty, really nice. Very little family-related stress. Mom of course attempted to do everything and then get distressed about doing everything, but I think we intercepted it well. By now, I'm at least used to it. Liz and Dad are able to keep down solid food! At times, I have to remind myself that after this christmas, christmases after it will be much different. Dave and I will be kindof a unit unto ourselves, and I have NO idea how Christmas will work logistically then. . . .oh well! As always, we'll see. Oh, and by the way, "Gosford Park" is a really excellent film.

So what did I get? A lot of chunky gem, bohemian jewelry--which made me very happy. I love shiny things! I also got a pizzelle iron, and two fantastic cookbooks. One of them is an asian cookbook, and it has Malaysian food! ALICE! THEY HAVE NASI LEMAK AND SAGO GULA MELAKA! Ah, how I love cookbooks. It's like pornography for my stomach. I also got two whole tapes of Muppet Show episodes--one of which features Luke Skywalker in it (trust me, it's hilarious). Finally, I got heaps and bottles of body lotion. OH sweet nectar of the holiday season! To top it off, the fragrance is called "Amber Romance"

By now you should realize that if it has my name in it, I'll probably dig it. Like, any beer with Amber in it, or the various perfumes, admittedly I haven't looked at the game AMBER, but maybe someday. Only thing slightly lame is that in TV most strippers and other hoochie mamas are named AMBER. I swear, mom and dad did not pick me a stripper name on purpose!

Just in Time for the Holiday Season. . .

My family gets the stomach flu. Now, as a microbe afficianado I have been taught that most stomach flu's are not caused by influenza at all--typically they're food poisoning or gastroenteritis. There's my smart moment for the day. Whatever it is, mom got sick on Friday, Dad and Liz got sick on Monday, and Mom thinks if Don and I get it, it will be around Saturday. Well, we didn't go to Aunt Alice's Holiday Dinner this Christmas Eve, which made everyone sad. It's the big yearly dinner where Great Aunt Alice (another fantastic Alice!) organizes many a delicious dish, and everyone helps out in their own way. Mom and I are Team OFF (Official Fish Fryers), Dad makes the gravy, and Don is the expert turkey carver. One year Uncle Jim, a surgeon, was put in charge of carving the turkey, but he couldn't get it right because he wanted it to be just perfect. . funny how that is! Mom says our relatives were a bit weepy on the phone--it's the one time of year we're usually all able to get together, on the Pollack side, and with me getting engaged and all the second wave cousins being born and growing older, it was going to be pretty exciting. Luckily, we may get to see them all later this week. . .here's hoping :) here's also hoping we don't give them the plague.

So kids, it's christmas eve! I'm just hoping for Pizzelle iron and some girly Bath and Bodyworks lotion (wouldn't it be great to have White Ginger and AMBER?), and that all my family will have a happy--and hopefully more healthy--time over the break. So far we've made it with a minimal amount of mom freaking out. . . .

Christmas Eve-eve

I think C.E.E. should be a holiday unto itself, because x-mas eve itself is crazy, and x-mas day is even crazier. Christmas Eve-eve is happy and exciting and full of anticipation (who doesn't love that?).

Went to the mall again today. . . got that slightly sickening feeling that comes with spending lots of money very quickly. Then of course, came the inevitable bad idea of shopping for more pants. I have this idea in my head that I have far too many shirts and not enough pants, you see, so I thought with all the sales today would be the day to solve this problem. So of course I wound up with only one pair I liked--wondering if in fact Kat already has a pair of them and I'll end up copying her--and a hefty blow to my self esteem as even 13/14 pants didn't really fit all that well. I know I'm being a total girl here, but it's disturbing when your body image swoops and shrinks and globs depending on what mirror you look in. For one thing, pale chicks look absolutely frightening in fluorescent store lighting--all your blue veins become brighter (your skin is too pale to cover them) and the downward lighting shades your body in strange ways. Usually I walk around thinking I'm damn hot stuff--I blame it on being a leo--but moments like this, when I look at hips that used to sit comfortably in 5/6 clothing now demand greater than 13/14. . . I feel more schizoid than Dr. John Nash in "A Beautiful Mind." Who is this person? Where did these pads of padding come from? Is this healthy? Am I supposed to look like this?

Mom tried to cheer me up by taking me to shop in the nicer stores (I was at the time shopping in a cheaper store, were I DID happily purchase a 1 dollar skirt). But I knew none of the juniors stuff was going to fit. I would be lucky to find an 11/12. Mom suggested the misses section, and I just flipped out a bit. It isn't fair. I'm 21. I shouldn't be damned already to elastic waistbands and uber-tapered leg jeans which make me look 40. I knew I was exaggerating, but you get what I'm saying. Seems like I went straight from teen to middle aged. So I guess I've gotta get my act together, and/or quit whining. ..

In much better news: I HAVE BEEN ACCEPTED TO THE UNIVERSITY OF WISCONSIN MICROBIOLOGY DOCTORAL PROGRAM! Sproiiiing!!! They sent me an e-mail saying so, and inviting me to come interview. Taking this into account, I'm betting I'm accepted to University of Georgia already, since they extended a similar offer. ROCK ROCK ROCK. My top two choices already looking good.

Also exciting: My parents, at least says my mom, are getting new bedroom furniture, and mom wants Dave and I to have their pretty mahogany antique bed. This makes me excited. There is also the prospect of me getting a dining room set from my Aunt Donna--she has yet to claim it and also does not want it, as it is "southern-tropical" in appearance and she is striving for a spartan look in her little cabin in Vermont. So this also makes me excited. I'm dying for a little place of my own to share and decorate with Dave. *BIG BIG SIGH*

Sorry, I know it's ooshy-gooshy cute.

At home!

Quick recap: I'm at home. I got a 3 dollar shirt at the mall today, and I get to go to the mall again tomorrow!

I just watch "A Beautiful Mind" and, well, kindof enjoyed it. Definitely never in my top ten of movies, but that's ok. Well done, true-story sortof, and certainly makes you think. Made me think alot about the whole idea of being smart and being great and being famous. . . .Is it worth going crazy? I don't know. Alot of really smart people out there show disdain for a quiet, normal life, as though there were something truly weak and lowly about living without fame and kudos. I don't think I've decided either way yet. I get the feeling that you have to be ok with either outcome. I don't know why you have to, though. I just get the feeling I need to. Some folks tell me I'll do great things someday, and maybe that's true. But I want to be ready to be happy with whatever happens. oh well, for now it's just christmas!

Requisite pre-break entry

Are you ready? Ready for 3 solid weeks of me wishing I was back at Hiram? Well, it's a holiday tradition, but maybe this year I'll be happy with a break. The upcoming semester--the LAST semester at Hiram (dramatic, no?)--promises to be extremely busy. Three hard courses, grad school stuff, senior seminar, successional planning in AIBS and WHRM. . . party.

But for the break, I at least can sleep in. I'm vowing to get work done, at least on the APEX and grad school applications. I wish I didn't have to buy any presents. It would make my life easier.

You know, you'd think if your store was named "Trashy Lingiere (sp?)" your products might be. .. . affordable? I learned quite quickly apparenlty "trashy"="indecently expensive." I saw the most beauteous corset in all the world--it was this fantastic mettallic teal .. . ok you'd have to be there. It was over 200 bucks. Holy shit. The internet is a confusing place!

Finally, I hope everyone has a wonderful, safe holiday season. May your merriment be just that, and not get you in trouble ;) And yes, here's to the end of 2002! A memorable year, but a year that needs to move on. 2003 is coming!

Attack of the quizzes

Darn you Alice! I saw your cute kitten quiz, and then I had to take that one. Ever notice how when you take a quiz you usually try it more than once to make sure you got an "accurate" result? Or maybe this is just something I do. I go back and answer some questions differently but still truthfully, and then I see if I get the same result. Well, I'm not a romantic white kitty! and the second time through I was the same thing as Alice! You crazy cat! :)

Apparently, I am also an exhibitionist who can claim as their destined Lord of the Rings Mate stupid needs-a-shave Strider. Don't worry ladies, I'm not interested! Finally, the only quiz I could be happy with was the "What cocktail are you?" So, here they are!


""Which cocktail are you?""
brought to you by Quizilla

This is my second, possibly more accurate result. The first is below, and perhaps it's true too. G'night one and all!


""Which cocktail are you?""
brought to you by Quizilla

Yeah. .
1) LOTR rocked, again. I doubt there WERE any doubts about this movie. It rocked everything. And my favorite character, the original ass-kicking chica, Eowyn, was wonderfully represented. So what if some people complain about it? BAH. Dave and I have agreed one of the greatest lessons of growing up is realizing it's ok to enjoy things. REALLY.

2)Speaking of which: nothing is stupider than going to the holiday dinner and standing around complaining about it and at the same time NOT leaving. How many people do you think went to the dinner for the sole joy of listening to you complain? I thought the food was pretty tasty, and the desserts were groovy, and it's damn better then the fare we usually get. I mean, what's the point of complaining? it doesn't make you look cool. All it does is rob you of of a bit of enjoyment, and where's the fun in that?

3) I'm back to full-on procrastinating. Wee!

Feeling sickish and wishy

I think my sinuses are unhappy with me. I have one of those headaches, you know? Where your head hurts and feels so heavy that you swear someone brought in trucks during the night and poured cement up your nose. When my brother gets sick, he acts really nice. That's usually how you can tell when he's sick. Me on the other hand, when I feel ill I get weepy. I don't wanna be sick. Not on my last week before the always long and this time definitely not restful christmas break. Another christmas, another new year's without someone to smooch when the ball drops. Hopefully the last one though :) for a long, long time.

It's weird. 2002 is almost over. Many times I have vowed this year to celebrate the demise of 2002. I still have plans of drinking several toasts to its end. But New Year's is a funny time. You tend to feel like you can look back and see yourself a year ago. It always fascinates me, to look back with some sort of sad affection for what I was a year ago. What were my expectations? What was I thinking then? This time round' it's a little creepy. Just a little. I mean, this time last year I had no inkling of what the spring would be like. I don't know. I just wish I could give her a hug. I like to pretend things are always ok; that I'm so badass that none of that stuff can touch me anymore. And for the most part, that's true. I love the one I love and I get love back, and that's a far finer thing than can ever be described. I just know now that you have to live with a little fear in your gut every once in a while, sometimes. It's going to be a hell of spring this time around too, but for different reasons as far as I can tell.

Everbody's got wishes. I wish I could be stronger; I wish I could kick ass and be taken seriously. I wish I had some clear simple thing to fight for and feel that I was helping the world. I wish I could be a space pioneer. I wish I could wake up and know exactly what I wanted to do; to see things with true clarity. To know when people were lying, to know what people needed to feel better. I wish I could be a strawberry blonde again, and finally feel like I honestly express myself through my clothing. I STILL wish I had a big house where we all could live. As stupid as it sounds, sometimes I wish I could give everyone I care about a hug that would help. Sometimes I wish I could be honest and not hurt people's feelings. I wish I could do the merengue and all the other ballroom latin dances. I wish I could drive a boat--I wish I had a car. I wish I could speak more languages and do so fluently. I wish I had a gigantic saltwater aquarium, a parrot, a crow--I wish I was trained to handle hawks and kestrels, I wish I could ride a horse. I wish I could change shape--and flying wouldn't hurt. I wish I had a beautiful house with a swimming pool, a hot tub, a grotto, a garden, a library, a fireplace, surround sound, and overlooked the ocean. . . . Oh well :)

A couple thoughts I felt like typing out

1) As far as I can tell, one of the secrets of being cool is acting like you don't care if you're cool or not--which usually means you need to convince yourself that you indeed do NOT care. I just finished a really fantastic field trip with a lot of great folks. And i know that if I was a freshman taking that same trip, I would've been obsessing every day about whether or not folks liked me, getting depressed about not being social enough, fixated on being included in absolutely everything. But I just chilled on this trip. I just had a good time, acted like myself, and honestly made lots of new friends. bada-bing bada-boom bada SCIENCE.

2) FEMINISM RANT: The problem with the feminist movement is that we expect tolerance from men but give them very little. Instead of working with with them, we blame them, when in fact the problem isn't "the man." It's our culture. So we alienate 50% of the population by blaming them for our oppression. But while we complain about rigid gender roles for women, we still enforce them on ourselves and men. Just think about the term "mom knows best."

Who the hell gets offended by this statement? Maybe just me. The fact is, it implies that biologically women are naturally far superior as caretakers. I would disagree. Sure, women may be more encouraged to take on nurturing roles, but I would argue that whatever parental instinct a woman may have, a man has one as well. Many women have trouble juggling careers and parenthood at once. Sometimes they even leave their jobs to take care of their children. I have no issues with any of that. The thing is, most people see no problem with that situation, and what bugs me is that if a woman stays at work and her husband takes care of the kids, lots of people will whisper things, and begin to wonder if why the woman doesn't want to spend time with her kids, or something like that. Ok, I'm really rambling. The thing is, I think if we want equality and tolerance in anything we are required to SHOW equality and tolerance. So give up the bullshit: resist temptation to pigeonhole gender roles by believing Men being from Mars and Women from Venus, and don't believe Mom knows better than dad because she has an extra X chromosome. Only then are we going to make any progress.

3) One last week of class to go! University of Georgia has invited me to interview there in February! They're going to pay for all my expenses, including airfare, lodgings, and food! WOOO!

Damn, dirty British!

It sometimes makes me nervous when I hear or see myself doing something that once upon a time my parents would do and I would go "Oh god, quit being such a parent!" The brits seems nice enough. I mean, they aren't mean or especially aloof. But they are damn messy. For the second night in a row, we had to wait till around 8 to eat dinner. Two of the girls set out the plates for our dinner a bit early, and the british used some of them--which was rather annoying. They also left dirty dishes behind after their meal. This afternoon I walked into the kitchen and there was half a dead fish on one counter, a bowl of ground beef--uncovered--sitting on the other, crumbs everywhere, and dirty plates in the sink. Really, I've just about had it.

See, the problem is, our group had finally gotten cleaning down to a system. After each meal, at least two people are officially in charge of getting the kitchen cleaned up. For snacks and such, if people dirty a plate, they rinse it off and stick it in the dish washer (I also need to mention that the british don't pre-rinse their dishes before putting them in the dishwasher, which is a pretty bad move when you've got chili and noodles glued on to them). The problem is the british group has no system for cleaning up; there's no way to get them to do it, especially when we're forced to do it after our late dinner. I don't mind cleaning dishes and the kitchen. I like a clean kitchen. But it pisses me off that these people just leave it for someone else to do. Like when they used our place settings at the table: we aren't your kitchen staff. There are big signs all over the kitchen that say: Do not leave food items out, we have a bug problem. . . and yet they continually leave stuff out and don't even bother to wipe down the counters. Sure, I could clean it, but then I'd ALWAYS be the one cleaning it. And it pisses me off that my choices are to either become their maids or deal with a really gross kitchen. Ok, I think I'm done venting for now.

Today I got to meet a pretty white cockatoo which liked to jump up and down in its cage alot. Made me wish I had a birdie!

To think more positively, and for my own benefit according to my horoscope for leos for the week, I'm going to think of a perfect day.

The British Invasion

C'mon, you really didn't expect me to use any other title for the arrival of the british, did you?

Well, I didn't spot any of them until around dinner time. A smattering of guys came through at lunchtime, sporting what seemed almost exaggerated cockney accents. The jury is still out as to whether they were exaggerating or just being themselves. One of them called a movie "crackin'" which apparently means good. Look how much I'm learning!

Unfortunately, all 20+ of them took over the kitchen cooking four seperate dinners--which left no space and no burners to cook our dinner. And what's more, they were everywhere. You couldn't go anywhere without tons of new, strange faces staring back at you. Suddenly, I started to feel like an outsider in the place I was just starting to get settled in. And to top it off, dinner was now slated for 8PM instead of 6PM. And some of them wouldn't own up to their dirty dishes. Damn. . .

I'm glad we're going back on Saturday, because I'm about done with all of this craziness. Annoying girl isn't really getting on my nerves so much anymore, but this other guy is. It's just the typical "acts like he knows more than I" problem where I get all pissy because of just that. But really, this guy talks out his ass. He throws in terminology and thinks he's acting smart. But usually he just ends up not being clear or thoughtful. What's worse is that he doesn't really keep up his end of the chores right away, and he also butts in on whatever you're working on in lab. Then he tells you "you know what you should do?". . . and then tells you what he thinks you should, as if he is so kind as to guide a poor, unknowledgeable coed in the ways of science. BAH. Totally gets on my nerves.

Other than that, the science end is pretty good! I got to play with sea sqirts today, which was fun. I don't know why they have a spinal chord though. . .they don't do much of anything!

A Cheer fer' BEER

I never ever thought I would like beer. But of course I was wrong about that. I love beer. I love that it doesn't taste so sweet, and that it makes you feel all warm and rosy without driving your brain into oblivion right away. And I don't regret drinking beer, even the morning after. It is the drink of my forefathers, or at least my german ones. I haven't gotten into vodka yet, so I don't know about that drink. Wine is OK. So for all you elitists who think you're too good for beer, keep on hating it. . . there will be more for me!

This rather useless little rant stems from the group's outing to Pinapple Joe's last night. It was the kind of bar Extreme Pizzaria could be if it was bigger and less noisy. I wish I had a place like this, with delicious food, and a FREAKING AWESOME BAND. I think they were called "Moon Shadow" and they played lots of Classic Rock, Country, and Bluegrass. We all attempted to play pool ( I need some work), howl out the lyrics of whatever song was playing, and generally have a good legally drunken time. I was very happy to finally be of age. Makes you feel cool. Playing pool also makes you feel cool. I think 75% of playing that game is about looking cool.

I of course had weird dreams of such a nature that I cannot reveal here. . .HAH!

Everyone slept in today. . . . it was a free day so I:
1)Watched "Dirty Dancing"
2)Went exploring the jungle with Tom, and got eaten alive by ravenous giant mosquitoes
3)Watched two episodes of Star Trek TNG, and then came over here to write this!

Very exciting, i know. The BRITISH should arrive at 9PM.

Sleepin' in till 9AM

Oh-ho baby, it was a good extra hour of sleep though. I've been getting up at 8AM every day for class, but since it was Saturday apparently we get to sleep in. The Commune had a gigantic brunch, featuring feta-cheese-shrimp-asparagus omelets (DAMN THEY ARE GOOD). Tons of food. The first day or two, I didn't get enough to eat and I was feeling rather out of balance, but I'm feeling much better, and much more well fed now. Dinner last night went really well, although it did turn into a garlic-fest of sorts: my fault most likely. We had pasta and spaghetti sauce with the options of adding shrimp sauteed in garlic and/or mushroom sauteed in butter. We also had salad, garlic bread, and home-made chocolate chip cookies made by Tom. It was all delcious, and the cookies were a BIG hit. Everyone was asking Tom for the recipe!

Today was a perfect springlike day: warm with a warm, damp breeze. Tom, Neha, and I biked over to the gift store and bought goodies. I got a T-shirt for Dad and two t-shirts for me! One is black with bioluminescent creatures on it, and the other is a kid's shirt that has cute cartoon sharks (it was 7 bucks, so I had to). I also got Harbor Branch Oceanographic Institute Family Cookbooks for Grandpa G and myself. I've found that these types of cookbooks--where people send in there well-tested recipes with their names attached to them--are the best. Things are generally very easy, interesting, and tasty. Besides, I dream of cooking things. I love reading cookbooks. . . and also the yellow pages.

We went snorkelling again today, and of course as soon as we arrived at the beach the weather turned bleak and windy. But it's funny how warm the water is once you get over how cold it originally feels. Folks were walking along the causeway in their sweatshirts looking at us incredulously. Yeah, I could hardly believe we were in the water either. But we found heaps of urchins and sand dollars, and we sang along with the radio on the way up and back. So it was a good trip overall.

I really like our group. Of course, annoying girl isn't that great, but it turns out just about everyone feels the same way. Now I feel a little bad, because she's kindof withdrawn herself and sleeps alot. It's hard to know how to handle people like that, without perhaps making them feel unwanted. Oh well. We have a really inventive group, and alot of random-noise-makers. Greg, our professor, was scurrying about this morning singing TOM BOM-BA-DIL-LOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

I like these folks ;)

The British are coming! Tomorrow!

On Making Dinner for Fourteen

Tom and I are in charge of dinner tonight, and I've gotta say, it's a little tricker to make dinner for this many people. First of all, I like weird food. How am I going to find something that the majority of 14 folks would like? Secondly, exactly how much food can they eat? Will they want more than one dish? Do they hate garlic? EEEEEkeeeeeee!!!

I look forward to the day when Dave and I can make our own dinners in the kitchen--I don't know if we'll be making the same thing, but that's ok :)

We went snorkelling today. . . it was damn cold, and the waves were making visibility a problem. I did have a good time, though; I think snorkelling will be one of the things I'll always enjoy. We drove home soaked and freezing, and the lines for the showers were phenomenal. I almost lost my temper with annoying girl today. I don't feel like writing about her right now, but I certainly have a mental tally of her annoyances, so if I get bored. . . .'

I was thinking today about how many different time-wasting fun activities I could indulge in over the next break. I still have tons of cross-stitching to do, and unfortunately I have to work on my senior seminar and also the remaining grad school applications. But other than that, I should definitely try to find fun things to do. I certainly would like to excersize more, but there's not many opportunities at home, although I could try to sled ride more. . . bah, who knows. After 21, you start to feel old, you know? I've always been rather obsessed with my tummy--every girl has SOMETHING they don't like. BAH, enough of this crap.

One more week to go here at Harbor Branch! Then it's home for fun and LORD OF THE RINGS: THE TWO TOWERS!!! (Dave, better get your pink strappy dress ready!)

Don't hate me because I'm warm. . .

Well, in case you didn't know, I'm in Florida right now--for my invertebrate biology class field trip. I'll be back around the 14th, so woo!

We're staying in a swank house donated to the Harbor Branch Oceanographic Institute (near Ft. Pierce). The whole compound is extremely well-funded, and folks here go on neat expeditions in submarines and stuff! The weather was in the low 80's today. I had to wear sunscreen. I forgot how good Florida smelled; I've been to this state many times in my life, and it always has that ocean-breeze-and-tropical-flowers sort of smell. Very soft and mellow, with a little saltiness, and of course the occasional whiff of sunscreen. It makes me very happy. We have bikes here that we can ride around on. The first day we were here, all 14 or so of us hopped on bikes and rode around the campus--like a hardcore bio-biker gang.

I've seen TONS of wildlife: ospreys, egrets, herons, manatees, dolphins, lizards, and ALLIGATORS! This place is just chock-full of wildlife, and we've been out mucking around in it since we got here.

At first, I was kindof bummed to be away from all my friends and loved ones, and also to be confronted with alot of last-minute-planned activities and assignments--rarely do we ever all know where we're supposed to meet or what's due the next day. But it's looking more fun as I get used to it. We are taking turns cooking dinners, and that's been interesting so far. 14+ college students coexisting and supporting one another. Could be fun and/or disasterous. We'll see!

Folks have expressed some worries about the setup of the lab: Greg told us he's taking away the identification books, and that we should "play with and observe" our little invertebrate friends. We're wondering exactly what that means, and how on earth we'll get a grade from that. It's tricky, because it's hard to know how much work is enough, and how much is too much, or too little. There were folks out hunting for crabs till 2AM last night. . .I'm not one of those people. I went to bed at 11AM, since I had to wake up at 8AM. It worked well. WE will see, won't we?

Sorry, I still love Buffy

Psychology Major Vampire: "Hey, it's not like you have the patent on bad relationships or anything"
Buffy: "huh . . . . . .wouldn't it be cool if I DID?"

Man, I just watched the best, fucking scariest episode (aside from one other) of Buffy. When the one of the walls read "MOTHER'S MILK IS BLOOD TODAY" written in--what else--blood. . . (shiver!!!!). Made me realize I can't FULLYallow myself yet to believe in ghosts because I'm still too afraid to. There's that whole "look into the Abyss and the Abyss looks into you" sort of thing. Very dorky, I know. Anyway, once again I will proclaim my undying love for this show, as it provokes the imagination, makes me go "oh fuck, this is some bad shit going down" and also laugh my ass off. And cry too. I am a geek.

I also thought today about how possesive/territorial I am of my guys, even my ex-boyfriends, although these feelings ease up after awhile. For the longest time, I didn't think I was possesive, until I started "dating" (a term I use loosely in this particular case) a guy and after two days was already bristling over attentions he was receiving from another girl. I'm more possesive than I thought I was--funny how it sounds better to say "territorial" than "possesive." I know that at least two of my ex's (one's I care about) now have new girlfriends, and all I can think is, Dammnit girls, you had better treat them right. Which is ironic because in at least one case I really did not treat one right. But I blame that on being in highschool and having no fucking clue how to successfully break up with someone. Anyway, it's almost funny. . .almost. It's not really a virtue to be this way.

TODAY: Had great great fun hanging out with Chris and catching up on all the latest in video games and such. We have good fun, and there is never a lack of interesting conversation, or cheap DiCarlo's pizza. Unfortunately, the weather got bad, so I had to watch the creepy episode of Buffy alone while he drove home in the snow to Irish Ridge. Hope he made it there safely!

Ok, That's all for now. Sunday is fun-day, because it's BACK TO HIRAM!!!!