OH so cranky, but a good weekend despite it

As I have passed on from college and under-21-ness and into the realms of adulthood--where drugs of all kinds are more prevalent all around me--it intrigues me that some of the most mood-altering substances I've ever experienced are the home-grown, hormonal variety. I remember several cloudy years between jr. high and sr. high were I was legitimately not behind the wheel when it came to what I said or how I acted. Being a teenager stewed in hormones and confusion was a lesson in diplomacy, when you finally got control of yourself.

Thankfully, I now have wonderful things like caffiene to keep me awake and somewhat in control of my perkiness (aka, maybe a bit earlier). And that biological craziness has, overall, calmed down. But oh man, today was just a REALLY REALLY cranky day.

It started off quite pleasant--one of those slow-wake-up sundays, and I had the afternoon clear to do just whatever. These sorts of sundays are a luxury that is slowly dwindling. So I decided Ben and I should walk over to State Street and grab some coffee and see if the gaming store was open and get stupid card games.

Weeell, I forgot that I really don't like the gaming store on state street. It's so small that the minute you walk in the door you're practically face-to-face with the owner. Moreover, because of the limited space they only carry what they can sell really well, so alot of the cool and quirky games from smaller companies just aren't there (read: the games I want aren't there). And finally, I've got clerk issues. I know people are just doing their job, and I bet it's a sucky job the majority of the time. But I HATE OH SO MUCH clerks that hover around and listen in on your conversations every time you comment on one of their products and fire back with some pitch or argument. I like to shop in peace--and believe me: it's likely I will give you money if you leave me the hell alone!

So yeah, I was getting increasingly irrate in the store. And then the clerk turned up the music, and it was really crappy girl-pop music. And Ben wanted to buy two card games and I only wanted one. But I wasn't sure if he wanted me to pitch in for both or what, so I ended up snapping at him that I was NOT paying for two card games, and that I did NOT want two card games. Thankfully, we got out of there, but arguments ensued. I went to Einstein bros. bagels to get a sandwhich, and waiting in line I realized I really hated the people working there too. The whole place was crammed full of 18-20somethings. I was a bit scared at how much I missed old people. Cranky cranky cranky. We walked home, I stayed cranky. We worked to understand how to play the Legend of the Five Rings card game (which looks pretty awesome, but is pretty darn complicated when you are learning directly from the rule-tome). More crankiness. . . .. ehhhh cranky!

Well, I'm feeling better now. And actually, while being cranky sucks, it's kindof cool to be able to BE cranky. In my house, if you were cranky Dad wanted to know why, because that somehow was a problem. Mom ranged widely from extreme cheery to shriekin' mad, sometimes with little time in between. But it just feels so adult and honest to be pissed off. To not be afraid to argue and be a bitch. It's a transition in my life that is tangible, and I am really--somehow--proud of, even if I'm behind the times compared to other folks.

My face is all rocked off

This is just so cool I can't help but share it:
http://dungeonmajesty.com/DMlowres.html

Making great strides in ridiculous things . . .

Several achievements I wish to award gold stars now:

1. I have an awesome coat (Alice!). It's maroon and thin-wale courderoy (how DO you spell that?!) with stencil-like embroidery on the cuffs and back, and it's knee length. I got it for 17 dollars and it fits perfectly and I get at least one compliment a day when I wear it. Today some lady in the checkout line told me she liked it, and after our conversation I'm wondering why Marshall's and St. Vinnie's aren't giving me commissions for all the damn publicity I give them.

2. Though I was very cranky on Sunday morning (no coffee), I had a very nice afternoon with Ben which included walking to the library on a TRULY lovely fall day and checking out all the cool books there, and then going home and making steaks on the George Foreman grill and mashed potatoes boiling in the bag. And instead of going downstairs to meet his neighbors, I curled up in the blanket and took a nap. I don't know, it doesn't seem like much, but it was just so delightful and relaxing, and I got to talk to Ben, which is more delightful still.

3. I went to a different fitness class, embarassingly titled "Hip Hop Mania" which turned out to not only be really fun, but also to be far superior to that damn cardio class. We were all far too white do be dancing hip-hop, we ladies, but we laughed and laughed at that fact, and now today I feel like an 80 year old because of all the sore muscles, but I'll go again soon I think. Bonus points for spending time with grad students I don't see often.

4. I was starting to get QUITE panicky about not doing much in lab (I have ideas for experiments, but most of the techniques involved are new to me, so I don't even know where to begin). After some stressing, I just made myself e-mail one of the post-docs in the lab to see if I could pick her brain a bit, and so we're scheduled to work a bit wednesday afternoon on exciting things! Science in action!

5. Yes, I love me. And one of my favorite things about getting to hang out in my brain is that I continually want to find a way to enjoy even lame things. I rented Blair Witch Project 2: Book of Shadows. Yes, I know it's supposed to be crap. And the initial 30 minutes of it were utterly hilarious. But I must admit, the situations got to me and I found the ending pretty novel. I think it suffered from being compared to the original, which was a completely different format (and sublimely awesome). I also really appreciated that they never flinched from violence. Seriously, if you you're going to show people being ritualistically sacrificed, you really ought to show it. The movie got its edge near the middle, and kept it decently. Also, a non-annoying goth girl was pretty unexpected.

An enriching day

Ick, that's kindof a lame title. But really. Seriously. A nice day for Amber. Not fantastic by any means, but I'll take it.

I thought what I had written for my book report the night before was crap. I woke up and read it and realized it was actually pretty decent, and managed to get the paper done at 9:30AM with class at 9:55AM. I had lab meeting and went to a seminar, and then scurried away to the SERF for a cardio class.

Because see, I needed it. I'm not sleeping well lately (probably in part because we have a coffee maker in the lab now . . .) and while I think that I carry myself most confidently and happily now as compared to my highschool days, I am out of shape, and my clothes continue to fit less and less well.

FITNESS CLASS RANT
Anyway, I thought I was attending the regular cardio class, but in hindsight I began to realize--as we continued the cardio portion of the class 15 minutes longer than I'm used to, and with only one break--that I had walked in to the "Cardio Plus" class. Initially, it was great fun and I realized as inane as repeated hoppy motions to ramped-up pop music are. . . I really enjoy it and don't get too awfully lost.

However, the "Plus" aspect of the class sucked. The instructor gave only one water break nearly at the end of class, and continually gave the indication we were on the last repition and then would call out for another--there was no good way to pace yourself. Also, the stretch and toning portion was ill-concieved for multiple levels of fitness. There were no actual crunches but instead all hardcore crunchlike activities that I always have to do with my knees because I'm still a wuss. I guess that's what I get, but damnit I wanted my old accessible cardio back!

But after I cooled off and got off the bus, I was able to purchase dinner at Whole Foods and walk home on a nice, typically crisp fall evening. It took me a while, but I was finally able to work out most of the lyrics to one of the two halloween songs I remember from 5th Grade, and sang about haunted houses and cats and bats and witches keeping skeletons in stitches on the way home.

It was a fabulous evening, even if my shower didn't really have hot water. I ate my delicious garlicky, tomatoe-y seafood soup and watched labor party riots on Babylon 5, and then drove over to one of the 1st year MDTP student's apartment for TEAN (Thursday Evening at Nine)--it's a movie night that I think Rose and Heather cooked up. So I finally got to see Roman Holiday with Audrey Hepburn, which was actually thoroughly delightful. I also got the chance to hang out with new people in a non-stressful manner, and that's a rare thing.

So here I am, very awake and typing instead of cleaning up my room. And it's Friday!

Book Report?

I'm procrastinating! I've read all my stuff to do this book report, but I'm not super-psyched to do said book report. Thank god I spent many years of highschool and college churning out works such as these. I'm trying to free-write it tonight (4 pages double-spaced, mostly summarization), and then scan it tomorrow. I need to be decent about it, because I really did not do well on the first test, and need to keep a B average and whatnot.

Weekend is almost here again. Plans so far are a pumpkin carving party on Saturday night, as well as perhaps a champagne party being thrown by our neighbors downstairs.

In other news: I somehow managed to beat out the dancin' bald guy at The Cardinal for a photo in one of the local newspapers (Coreweekly). It's not the most awesome picture, but it's kindof cool to have a picture in the "social scene" section. I'll take what I can get :)

I love fall so much. It's so spooky, and lovely with all the leaves falling about. I love my neighborhood too, because it's got a bit of horror-movie suburb/ Sunnydale feel to it, but is much older and hipper. The air just smells fantastic. I LOVE FALL!!!

Finally, Babylon 5 is just darn good. And apparently Forever Night is on DVD, as is Millenium. . . if only they'd come out with Brimstone on DVD, I'd have all too many television series to blow my cash on.

ok back to work! HELP!

And lo, the creature shall emerge from beneath the earth, ready to do battle and eat villagers. . .

Do you know what is cool about October? You can talk like Alice Cooper or some high priest from Ghoulies and it's as near to acceptable as it ever will be. Also, Halloween is approaching and I have offered to be captain or co-captain of a mission to State Street Halloween Festivities. So far, the mission is called SSAC, for State Street Clusterf***

It's going to be QUITE the adventure.

Well, I finished my committee meeting, and it went so freaking wonderfully I keep wondering if I actually did it or not. I didn't know everything, but it was the smoothest science presentation I've ever given, and I could hear myself talking all poised and scientific-like. Now of course, I'm fighting to switch gears between having a powerpoint presentation to doing actual research. . .also I have to do a book report on a book on Protein Folding, and certainly it's not the intriguing read I was hoping for.

In celebration, I got nicely drunk on 5 red stripes Friday night, went on an epic shopping trip with Sharon and Sarah on Saturday afternoon, followed by a cheese party and more drinking Saturday night at Ben's. Sunday I spent watching that Sure Thing movie with John Cusack (admittedly favorite 80's male actor). Those are the highlights folks.

I also need to call back Sam--so everyone smack me around if I continue to forget, because it's lame of me.

Finally, I got 20 bucks worth of new comics at Westfield Comics, including the unexpected new issue of NYX. It continues to be awesome, as does Conan. I'm trying Sylvia Faust, but am unimpressed so far. OH, and Astonishing X-Men rocks my face pretty hard.

Ok, enough procrastinating. I must dry off and read dry literature. . .

Lull

So, taking Alice's lead I've started writing a paper journal again. There are just alot of things that can't ever go on this weblog. I can tell you all about my day and such, but if something is really upsetting me, or really making life awesome, there's only so much of it I can discuss online with the world (albeit the small bit of the world that reads it).

Anyway: paper journal. It mainly prevents any of you from having to deal with my weirder dreams and morning poetry. I think in general that's something to be thankful for. It also gives me that "air of mystery" on the bus--it was pretty cool to be "girl who reads The Watchmen" and who can forget "girl who reads Harry Potter books"? Now I'm that random scribbler in the corner that I have been in the past.

So I've been recording me and my thoughts on paper. It got me to thinking about poetry, and other forms of expression, and my pursuit of getting my life framed in it. I've been on stage, I've been photographed, I've been put into a poem or two, and even lately I've made my way into a song. All I do is write, so I've written poems and general scrawlings about lots of people (especially of past loves and whatnot). I think it's one of the most intriguing things that humans do to one another: find ways to frame our perspectives of eachother. And I like seeing how other people frame me. In part, it's vanity. But it's also in getting to see how other people see me. Maybe it's the same for you?

This week is such a contrast to last week. I have the whole day to work on my presentation, so at night I mainly have to wrestle to get myself to bed at a decent hour--like I'm doing now. My commitee meeting is on Friday. Tomorrow is my big, open day for working on everything and tying up loose ends. Thursday is my "practice my talk" day. Friday I have to get refreshments and everything set up, run through my talk some more, and then just give it. Life doesn't get 100% stress free after that, but I'll have directions to go with my research, and a book report due on Tuesday (but I'll have time to read those chapters on Sunday, right?).

Strung out

I am currently making a mental note to never ever ever ever take benadryl again. I think it doesn't like me much. I took some last night to help me with my sinus problems, and I woke up this morning feeling rather strung out indeed. My heart kept beating so hard and fast I thought it was going to bust out of my chest and splat on the wall. I'm still feeling a little light and transparent from it.

Well, this week has been a really rewarding week, but it's come at the price of alot of working--no suprise there I guess. My practice committee meeting talk that I gave to my lab went really well. I mean, I could have presented more smoothly, but I got so many great suggestions for research and ways to organize my talk and whatnot. And I wrote my research proposal for the thesis committee in perhaps three hours total. I wrote thursday night from midnight till 1:30AM, and then this morning from 10AM to noon. I've spent so much time trying to formulate my talk tha the written thing came so freaking easily. . .

I'm really proud of myself. I haven't freaked out--I seem to be ok with not knowing things and getting corrected every five minutes. I hunkered down and worked hard this week, and as a result I'm close to being ready for my meeting next Friday. YAY!