Monday, December 30, 2002

Hell is Teenagers and Kareoke

Damn, I don't know if I spelled that right. Anyway, take my word for it. My 13-year-old sister Liz is the room next to me with her friend Sam, both of them screeching songs they don't know the melodies to by pratically swallowing their microphones. My ears hurt. But this is the only time I get to be online. This has to be hell, at least, one of those lesser hells. Yeah.

Well, I saw the extended version of "Fellowship of the Ring" and I've gotta say, THIS is the finest most fantastic movie ever. They had left so many things out of the original release, and now the events make more sense, the characters are more fleshed out, and Gimli even falls in love with Galadriel, like he's SUPPOSED TO. Lothlorien, in general, makes up alot more of the movie than it did before. Bilbo has a much bigger chunk of the beginning too. . . . *sigh* It was like seeing the movie for the first time all over again. But actually, it's more like reading a book when you're a kid and then reading it when you're an adult. When you're little, you get all the events, but sometimes you miss the symbolism, the conflict, the subtext until you're an adult. ROCK ROCK ROCK.

I also got to see some of "Band of Brothers" and despite the fact that it's a "war movie" I really got sucked into it. Don has ten hours worth of DVD's of it, so I guess there's plenty of it to go around.

Damn, these girls are really obnoxious. I must now will my jaw to unclench. And above all, I have to just let them be. . ach.

My two cents on existence: I've once heard society compared to a living tissue, and all of us cells making it up. Cells can commit suicide, just like people. From a biological standpoint, you'd wonder why any organism or cell would have a mechanism for ending themselves. But it makes sense if you think about usefulness. Your muscles atrophy if you don't use them, and those cells you don't use die. For alot of folks, it's important to feel useful. It's important to feel like you make a difference, like someone needs you, like you have something to contribute, or even just that you can do something well. Could be that, if you felt useless, with nothing to contribute, if you were good at nothing. . . what is exactly is the point of taking up energy and space? It's simple when you're just a cell. It's complicated when you're a person, and you "exist." Who judges your usefulness? What is usefulness? So what if you're not?

It's something I bump up against many, many times. There have been alot of situations where I could relax and choose a perfectly wonderful situation in life--or I could work a bit and stress a bit and perhaps push myself a bit farther. And every time I wonder: Which is worth more? Am I supposed to relax and take what comes to me? Do I really need to work harder? What happens if I relax? Will I regret not trying harder?

Happens all the time. As far as I can tell, either situation isn't perfect. I look back too much, and regret is too easy. But if I work all the time, where is the reward in that? It's the middle path. . .man, I've heard of that before.

So far, I've learned one or two things that were profoundly useful in life:

1) Hardly anyone knows much--I barely know anything. And those who really do know what life is all about, rarely let on that they do. You have to take everyone's advice with a grain of salt, but still, you don't really know better either. It's that whole "life is a tale told by an idiot" deal.
2)Regardless of whether we're God's special creatures or a cosmic accident or alien clones, we're here and we're together. The only thing that does seem to hold up is treating others as you would treat yourself. Which is hard. We tend to be most critical of others who have the same flaws we do.

Ok, that' s all. Sleep tight, kiddies.

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