For some reason, tripod decided to add another advertisement to my page. They are jerks, because now i have to change my template so you can still read this darn thing!

Ow, my head!

Hey folks! Finally found a span of time where I wasn't exhausted or willing to fill out insurance stuff to sit down and write about how things are going. They certainly are GOING, that's for sure.

I caught the bus on monday, just as some wierd people backed their truck up a block to ask me if I'd trade them my money for their bus ticket. I told them I couldn't because I had to catch the bus to "make it to orientation"

Which somehow sounded cool, in a Saved-By-the-Bell sort of way. And I made it there on time, and followed an intelligent looking girl all the way through construction to the Medical Sciences Building. I stood there on the corner looking up at the big, sandstone building, and realized simultaneously that something was hanging out of my nose, and someone was calling my name. Had to act fast, but I think I saved myself embarassment just as Bailey showed up--she was a chica from my recruitment weekend. We decided to seek out our meeting room together; so to begin with I had a compatriot.

The first day is very much a big blur. They handed us big binders and papers, and we had long presentations on chemical safety, biological safety, health care benefits, payroll, taxes. . . . all on Monday. I would have been happiest just watching the safety videos--you can't beat lab people pretending to be on fire or covered in dangerous chemicals. You really can't. I came home and Dave made me a most delicious feast of salmon and brie & tomato sandwhices on french bread. AND red wine. I sat there thinking "Damn, I don't deserve this!"

And then I passed out for the evening.

Tuesday was full of ten-minute presentations by various reasearchers, showing off what they were doin in their labs to perhaps persuade us to do a rotation there in the fall. See, the micro program requires that you do at least 3 rotations in 3 seperate labs--each lasting about a month--before picking a lab to do your thesis research for the remaining 5 or so years. I'm supposed to have my first rotation figured out by near the end of the week, as well as all my classes picked out. It's a little frightening, since we'll be hearing presentations through till Friday. I met with my advisor to discuss possibilities. I think I'm going to take Advanced Microbial Genetics, as well as Mechanisms of Microbial Pathogenesis. How cool does that sound?! I have a required journal club and I must warm a seat at the weekly student seminars (3 year grad students and up presenting their research). And of course research in somebody's lab. I'll be quite busy enough.

Today we had a 2.5 hour presentation on radiation safety. Lots of labs use some radioactive materials in their research, so we all have to get certified. I have the take-home quiz to prove it. Then more presentations. I also ran into Ned (who I did research with in Hawaii) and Margaret, who were eating lunch outside the old biochem building.

I'm supposed to go for free beer on the terrace tonight, but I'm not sure I will, because I'd have to get Dave to take me, and I'm not sure I want to stay up late anyways. Socializing is hard on me, somehow. It isn't very natural when it's with people you don't know. The catch is that socializing is one of the only ways to get to know anybody very well at all.

It's alot to handle in one week. My future has to congeal quickly within the next two weeks. I feel like i should've known that! But I'm trying to stay fluid about this. Be open to opportunity, be honest, and have a good time. Maybe it will work!

11th Hour Entry

Ahhh, I just couldn't resist. It's actually near 8AM right now--I leave on my bus at 8:20 to go to campus. I'm sitting here drinkin the coffee I brewed myself, after eating an english muffin with cheese single and slice of light bologna (also made myself). I'm not dressed, but my stuff's in a backpack from college, and I think I'm ready.

I still can't bellieve how really, actually nervous I am. I've been laughing about it for some time already. It's just like the first day of school, like it's always been from preschool to college, and now grad school. Mom's got a picture of me on all my first days--except this one, which I've also go to take myself.

Dave's sleeping, and I wish I could just curl back up into bed and pretend that was ok to do. I really wish I could already be there on campus with 2 friends or more already made. I won't remember anyone's names, unfortunately. Have to go throught THAT process all over again. But it will be worth it. It's all worth it. Just hope that funny feeling in my stomach doesn't stick around long.

Weekend in review

It's funny, but it's the first weekend that actually FELT like a weekend, in a loong time. Maybe it's because at home every day pretty much was a weekend, and humans cannot physically enjoy every day in paradise. Good lesson to learn.

See, friday I woke up at 7AM to take the most direct busroute into campus to locate the medical sciences building I'm meeting my fellow fresh-grads in on Monday--for orientation. I found it pretty easily, despite all the surrounding construction. And then I hiked to Memorial Union to read Gibson's "Burning Chrome" on the terrace. The terrace is really a porch-like strip of tables and chairs that overlook Lake Mendota. It was beautiful, and ocean-coast like.

After killing time pleasantly, I walked around state street, but I was too early for many of the stores--especially the gaming store which I had been hoping to scope out. But there will be time for that, I'm sure. Besides, it was still very hot on campus, and the place was swarming with orientation freshmen. Imagine Hiram Institute week times at least 10. So I grabbed a HUMONGOUZOID burrito at Chiptole's and sat in a windo seat to watch them go by, and then I hiked AGAIN, dodging sprinklers like the original Mario dodged those flame-circles. Waited for a bus that runs more frequently, and wound up at the West Transfer Point to catch a bus that runs by the apartment. So I guess even if the Transportation department DOES screw me over on parking, I can still ride the bus pretty decently. Just takes longer, and requires standing out in the elements.

So I practically passed out Friday evening, but we did make a late run to Copp's (another grocery store much less crowded than Woodman's, and open 24 hours a day). Fun stuff. Then SLEEP.

Saturday mostly was spent lazing about, after much sleeping in. I beat HALO, which really ruled, even if it WAS on easy level. I can honestly say it's one of the the best X-box games ever--tying with Jet Set Radio Future.

In the evening I drove us over to Blockbuster's where I finally got to rent CHICAGO. oooooh baby! I had to fill out a damn form to get a card, and then had to pay four bucks for the new-new release. But hell, that's ok. I got to make friends with the girl at the register, who was from somewhere with a total state population that matched the population of the Madison Metro Area. Totally nice person. AND Chicago was fantastic. Super fantastic. "The Cell Block Tango" wasn't near as snide and mean as it should have been, I think, but it was still viscious and fantastically choreographed. And Renee' Zelwi-who'sitwhat'sit was well cast as Roxie. You felt bad for her, loved her, despised her all at the same time.

So now it's Sunday. I'm thinking I should go get the little zoomin' honda washed, and also grab the paper--maybe there's a garage sale out there with some chairs or couches. We do need seating. But hopefully once we both get settled and working, we'll know just what kind of money we have for that sort of thing. We'll see.

Tomorrow's the big day--ORIENTATION. Blargh, I'm nervous.

And so, the end of the "vacation" is near

Well, things are pretty quiet here in Schroeder Apartments. For the most part, it isn't a bad thing. Dave and I have spent alot of free time playing computer & video games. I myself have been gleefully making my way through HALO, which is of course so awesome that I wonder why I never played it before now. I've also just finished "Neuromancer" by Gibson (following a recommendation from Justin). DAAAAAMN WHAT A FANTASTIC BOOK. Also wondering how it took me so long to find out about it and read it, but still, many thanks Justin. I picked up some of Gibson's short stories "Burning Chrome" and will start on that soon.

There just isn't alot to do, and it's starting to get a little too evident. In stark contrast, on Monday I'll go to orientation at 9AM, and that's all she wrote. I'll be hurled headfirst into graduate school. It's kindof exciting in that old "first day of school" way. I mean, all the old worries surface. I mean, who will I meet? will I make any friends? am I cool enough? Should I get a new haircut/outfit?

Ok, fortunately this won't be highschool or even college. We're all here because we love microbiology, and so much that we'd give up 5 years or so to study it more. People will be immersed in study and not so much appearances, right?

Mainly, I'm anxious to get life going and sorted out, and I wish I could do that without the studying first.

I'm thinking I should do something crazy with my hair, aside from cut it short because I've been there and I need my hair. Some days I want to walk around with streaks of pink or blue, but I doubt I have the balls to really do it. And I wonder if it's just going to be like middle aged men buying hot cars . . . Just want to feeel young again.

Ach! I rambling! Ok! Friday I'm waking up early to go take the bus to campus and see if I can find where orientation will be on Monday. I'm thinking I might mosey over to state street and chill for awhile. Maybe I should find the geology museum and run around in there--lots of shiny things and dinosaurs.

Finally, my word for the day is "Rertardondo"
It came to me while standing in line somewhere and hearing some guy saying he was "Schizmart" which I guess was him trying to jive talk his way to "smart." I really didn't agree. ANYWAY, retardondo can be used in place of retard. it's just more fun to say (even in your head).

Settin' Up House

Well, it's day three of "The Rest of Our Lives"(tm) here in Madison.

One of the best things about Dave is that sometimes we stay up late at night talking like it's some sort of junior high sleepover. You know, when you have your best friend over and you really should go to sleep but you don't want to stop talking. At one point, we were convinced Sam had been writing the script for our lives at Hiram. He knows about this theory: many events occurred on significant days (For example, Dave and I got back together on April Fool's Day).

We talked alot about how different our lives are starting now. It's alot like "Saved By the Bell: The College Years" we decided. I mean, we've had a long, successful run at Hiram. And now they've taken some of the characters and moved them to an exciting new location with "all new experiences and challenges." We met such strange and interesting people at Hiram (and will ALWAYS treasure them) without really trying. If life keeps up this path, we'll meet lots of strange and interesting people here in Madison, and that's exciting.

So far, we've stocked up the kitchen and bought two lamps and a television. Unfortunately we don't have the DVD remote for the x-box (it's back in Erie) so I will just have to wait a little bit to go skipping down the aisles of the Hollywood Video store. Our next purchase goal is comfortable seating of SOME sort for the living room. I miss my two-dollar loveseat I found whilst in Columbus. We actually would both like those nest-like Papasan (or whatever they are called)chairs. Other than that, we've got a table, a bed, some towels, some sheets, and video games. Life is pretty darn' good. Skeletor even has mealworms now.

So here we are!

Well, with Saturday brought both my completion of Secret of Monkey Island II AND the arrival of the Dembinski’s (the two events nearly coincided!)

I woke up at 8AM on Saturday to go find the surprisingly elusive Walmart that was really within 5 miles—I had looked for it on Friday (when I was all by myself and trying to find something to do). Saturday I was successful, and so I came back with good things like window cleaner and a laundry hamper.

Anywho, the dembinski’s arrived in the mid-afternoon, looking slightly steam-cooked from the heat that had settled over the Midwest. But hey, they arrived all in one piece!

I spent most of the afternoon just being amazed that Dave was here. I mean, you spend a long time without someone, you slowly get used to the idea that they just won’t be around. . . . and then all the sudden they ARE there! It’s an amazing, if somewhat shocking thing. Try it some time! Actually, if you love somebody, it’s probably better just to have them there.

I took Dave to Woodman’s, the local giganta-supermarket. We bought some goodies for dinner—Dave made me spaghetti’s as well as breakfast stuffs for the parents!! Note to self: Saturday evening is apparently grocery store time for the entire community.

So then it was home for “dinner by Dave” and generally a relaxed evening. Dave had driven all day to get here, and I was coming off the adrenaline high of anticipating their arrival, so it was good to just chiiiiilll.

WEIRD DREAM INTERLUDE
That night I dreamt that I was walking on Garvin’s lane (lane of my house in WV), and it was snowing. The flakes were blowing onto the road, and suddenly my old doggie Pepper appeared there on the side of the road. She was trotting in front of me, and then she took my hand in her mouth and pulled me further up the road, away from the house. I started to cry because I missed Pepper, and I knew she died about a year ago, but here she was trying to take me somewhere. I turned back towards the driveway and mom and dad were standing on the hill. I tried to talk to them but there was this buck that kept running through and trying to hit me with its antlers. Mom and dad didn’t seem to see it.

I woke up still seeping tears. Every time I dream about Pepper, I cry. I’m guessing this is all a separation dream. You know, about having to leave home because you can’t stay, and someone has to tell you it’s time to go. It might as well be that lovable hound from my childhood.

Back to our regularly scheduled program
Dave and I woke up bleary-eyed at 8AM, to make sure breakfast and everything would be ready at 10AM when Dave’s parents and younger sister would be over. Showers all around, and everything in order by the time they got here! I kept them company over muffins and coffee while Dave cooked up bacon and eggs.

All too soon, it was time for them to make the trek back to Erie, and Dave’s mom cried, and then we were alone again. It’s a weird moment, and this time I’ve gotten to live it twice in short succession.

Without a TV, there’s not a lot to do currently. We walked down to the Stop n’ Go to get the paper (and a soda for me!). The Bally’s behind our building, we discovered, is closing in September. So no 5:30 AM workouts for us ;)

We’re making a list of all the things we’re missing—like ketchup or a cutting board. There’s a lot of initial input involved when starting up an apartment. Activation fees, furniture, LAMPS. . . .but it’s already pretty cozy, especially with a big, strong guy around.

The best thing in the world is to have someone to hug when that feeling creeps over you that you’re on your own now. That feeling of adultness that was a lot more exciting when you were in college and didn’t have to do everything yourself. I wouldn’t have it any other way, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t scary at times. And I miss my friends terribly. It’s so good to have ONE here, but friends are the secret to true happiness. And you’re all welcome to visit. We may even have something for you to sleep on ;)

Breathe a sigh of relief

Weeeelll, today was much better than yesterday. Things were marginally tense, and I accidentally swerved into the wrong lane during a turn and almost hit a car--resulting in mom screeeeamming in fear and crying like a 3 year old, and eventually me yelling at dad to stop giving me vague descriptions about where he thinks I should turn or park. "there" or "after that black car over there" doesn't really do it. Driving is just alot easier for them, since they've done it so long, and they take for granted being able to look everywhere and process much more--I'm still concentrating on not crashing into other cars in intersections.

We had a really lovely lunch at Sa-Bai-Thong (another Thai place) where I had delicous coconut milk and lemongrass soup. Mom and I found a TJ Maxx, and we had fun--actual non-loopy fun--pretending to furnish the apartment like Indiana Jones was living there. Then I took us to the Greyhound station--the route to which I had studied carefully in the morning. I didn't have any problems until dad started to say maybe it was on the left side of the road instead of the right, and of course I doubted myself and changed lanes only to realize I had been correct moments later. This is where the yelling at Dad came in. Man, hasn't he been through enough?

Well, after we calmed down, got some sodas, and watched the news on FOX about the power outage, it was time to send them on their bus back to Wheeling. There was some half-hearted hugging going on . . . it's not a happy parting, which is lame. I mean, yes, I'm freaking glad to see them go home, and I'm sure they're relieved to be going home to a regular schedule with hopefully less craziness or witnessing of my driving. . . but still.

It wasn't like college, where they were smiling and mom was crying but underneath we were all excited. Probably because this time, it's for real. I don't ever come back like I used to. And all THAT jazz

on the plus side, as soon as they left, I hopped in the car and drove through rush-hour traffic home, arriving all in one piece. Then I looked for a good recipe in my cookbook wing and found something promising.

Off to Woodman's--the most gigantic supermarket I've ever been in, and that's a five-minute drive away. Wandering around supermarkets is one of my most favorite activities. Every single possible thing you could ever dream of wanting to eat. Sushi ready-made daily. Ahhhhh

Back home, I made myself a very *sophisticated* sandwhich: bologna and cheese singles. I was too hungry. So then I played Monkey Island II for awhile, then put together the recipe I found, entitled "Two-Jobs-and-no-time-to-cook"

It basically involved marinated artichoke hearts, a chopped up avacado, black olives, and feta cheese. . . .

it looks horrific, but DAMN is it good. I'm letting it incubate overnight in the fridge.

Tomorrow is mine to do as I please, and Saturday Dave + family arrive. I have to keep myself occupied till' then. . . .

B-largh

Well, tomorrow I take my mom and dad to the bus station, they hop on a greyhound, and then I'm all by myself.

Now, on some level this is very sad for me. It gives me that lonely feeling I've had many times--like when I sat in my apartment in Columbus watching mom and dad drive away, or when I left them at the gate to fly off to Hawaii. It's that voice that coughs in your head and says "yeeeeppp. . . they're gone now. It's just you and me here."

But on another level, it's such a relief to have them gone. The whole of our little trip has cycled from great adventure--like trekking 12 hours on the open road, taking turns driving and chatting--to moments of supreme tension--where mom has screamed in the backseat behind me that no one listens to her, that the truck rental station was RIGHT THERE. . . .

The hardest part of this move wasn't what I anticipated. I had thought it would be the overwhelming change in lifestyle; the move from dependence to independence. Or maybe just the move to a new city, permanently. But in the end, the hardest part has been my mother.

Because mom had brain surgery 4 years after I was born, she's had to take anti-seizure med's for the rest of her known life. Over the years, there have been mixups in the medication which meant drastic changes in mom. Once the pharmacy messed up and gave her heart medication, and she collapsed into a gran mal seizure in the kitchen while only I and my brother were home. For a LONG time, mom had been spacy and generally forgetful. Then they switched her to medication, and we got a focused mom who remembered details she thought she had forgotten long ago. And life was GOOD. For most of the summer, mom has been a good deal of fun to be with. I mean, she's driven me crazy as only a mom can, but that's par for the course.

But as the trip has progressed, always around lunchtime and dinnertime she starts getting spacey. Her face droops and she gets very quiet and somber, for no particular reason. And, the worst part, she gets passive aggressive. Like today, we ate lunch at a Thai place that we ate at the day before. She really wanted to go there so we went. Then she said she was thinking about looking for a Thai resteraunt for dinner, and I said that maybe we could try someplace else, because we'd just had Thai for lunch.

That's ALL I said.

From then on, whenever I brought up the topic of dinner, she'd get very quiet and say things like "what I want for dinner is insignifcant. it doesn't matter" Later, when we got back to the apartment (we had been on campus), I asked her if she wanted to go to the Thai resteraunt nearby that she expressed interest in earlier. I thought, hey, I really don't mind if we go again, so I'll ask. She just gave me another "I don't care, it doesn't matter" response, acting though like she someone had beat her into submission to going where dad and I wanted to go.

So, since she said she didn't care, we walked down and had a nice dinner at a local restaurant. Through the course of the dinner, she didn't talk. I'd ask her questions about the day, and she'd weakly smile and reply, and then go back into staring vacantly. She looked out the window, or otherwise looked like she would break down into tears at any moment. She took the keys and went to the apartment, while dad and I went for a walk around the block.

Dad and I talked about the whole thing. What could be done? How could we make it better? It's hard to say. We both thinks it's the medication, because the weirdness happens regularly when her medication dips to its lowest levels. But really, there isn't much you can do.

I mean, you can't call her on it. You can't tell her she's being irrational; often she's convinced that you've called her something or yelled at her when you haven't done anything close to it. And if you say anything about it, she just boils over further. Mainly, you try to ignore the weirdness, hoping that she comes out the fog and acts like Mom again. The person you love and enjoy having around.

The hardest part is watching dad deal with it. Tomorrow I get to say goodbye to the problem. But dad's been dealing with it for most of his life. We all love mom, and that's what makes it hardest. You don't want to treat her like she isn't capable of controlling her own emotions. You don't want to ignore the weird behaviors, and you don't want to reward them.

So what do you do, exactly?

The Mad City

ooooh baby! I'm here in Madison, typing on my laptop in my apartment. Thanks to Dave, I have internet access to boot! I'll follow up with the full epic story soon, but for now just wanted to plant that weblog flag squarely down today and say "I am settled!!!"

BTW I think it's awesome that many times Madison is referred to as Mad City, which makes me think of how everyone on the moon was called a loonie in "the Moon is a Harsh Mistress"

It's just TOO cool.

Not going to quote the damn disney song!!!

But it's in my head, because tomorrow THE JOURNEY BEGINS BABY! Tomorrow, around 6PM, we should be taking our cute little yellow Ryder truck and my even cuter (and freshly washed) honda civic (the Lil' Klaive) off to Madison. We'll be stopping around 10PM for a hotel/motel, then starting anew on Saturday morning.

I've got some calls to make, like the one where I check to make sure we can get the keys to the apartment on Saturday, and hopefully I'll get my utilities turned on--at least make my way to getting them turned on. . .I forgot to do so and that's definitely my fault. But we'll deal.

Getting packed for moving has to be my LEAST favorite thing. I'd be happier cleaning out the goat barn at Oglebay Zoo--now those were the days. It may have stunk, but at least it only took one room and a shovel and hose. my packing efforts have spread throughout the house, and although I have MORE than enough room in my 10ft truck for all my stuff and more. . . I'd like to NOT have alot of junk in the apartment. It would just be nice. Also, I suck at lifting of heavy furniture--and this time I have alot of stuff in that category.

Oh well. It is likely no one--except Dave cause he's cutest--will hear from me in the coming days. Most won't mind, but if you're thinking of minding, don't be offended. It's just the craziness, that should settle. Wish me luck!!

WORK!

Heavy Wednesday (not to be confused with Fat Tuesday)

It was very surreal, driving around Wheeling last night at 12:30 AM. . . I maybe saw one other car the entire time I drove, even on the highway, to pick up my sister after her trip to Kennywood. All by myself, no one on the road except a small marsupial. . . weird!

Weird f--ing dreams last night, as well. In part I dreamt that Sprite was an unassuming englishman who lured charitable women to his flat and then in the morning turned out to be an evil scientist with sisters who would dismantle the ladies so that he could build robots out of their parts or something. He also had a wire frame robotic monkey creature. Seperately, I also dreamt that I was running through a school in slow motion, like I had been drugged and everything seemed SLOW. I dodged bullets and when I jumped down from on top of some boxes it took me five minutes to reach the floor.

Generally, throughout the dream I ran into several people I knew. When I woke up, I had that classic feeling that I'd been with them in person. . . and I had this feeling of nostalgia and sadness with me for the rest of the day.

So that was basically the theme for my wednesday: nostalgic longing sad fiesta. I've been going through my books, trying to figure out which of my darlings gets left behind--and I found many of my old journals, including the "uncensored version" of my sudden entry into singledom in the spring of 2002. There were just so many things I couldn't write in my weblog at that time. It was good to remember. And good not to be living it anymore.

Soooo, Thursday morning the truck arrives, and I start the serious packing. . . . *shudder*

Less than a week?

Well friends and neighbors, perhaps the only truly big event of the weekend was the reserving of a Ryder truck for moving my stuffage to Madison. So now it's official: on Thursday, we'll pick up our moving truck.

Don gets out of WVU on Friday, Aug. 8th, which is his birthday. He has decided to go to Kennywood that day with his friends, but is somehow pissed that we won't be home when he gets home on Saturday (we had planned on leaving Saturday morning). Drama!

Oh well. Since Don decided he'd rather go ride some rides and complain that we aren't there for his birthday, we may be packing up the truck on Thursday, and starting to drive on Friday, with a stopover somewhere and arriving in Madison on Saturday. After we get things moved in, and turn in the truck, mom and dad are going to vacation in Madison with me. . . . .

Ok, so this could be disasterous, yes, but it *could* also be fun. I mean, we'll stock the kitchen, drive around and check out the mall and surroundings. Hopefully on Monday we'll go to campus and I'll get my ID and *try* to get a parking assignment.

I could pretend that I'm unendingly fearless, and that I don't need anybody to strike out anew in the land of beer and cheese. . .but really I'm relieved to have my parents with me for just a little longer. I know this is one of those big milestonish events where THINGS ARE NEVER THE SAME afterward, but it doesn't really help to think of it that way. It's damn scary enough. And I'm scared, but of course excited. There are lots of fun things in store, and I'm ready to learn alot.

Today I bought bedding for our apartment, a final large tupperware container for under the bed, and a prepaid cellphone to keep in the car and be my temporary communication link until I get settled. Coverage is NO GOOD here in WV, but Madison will be a whole different story.

As I imagine it ALL will be. Seriously.

WORK BLOGGER!!! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELLS THEE!