This Is Nothing

Insane Graduate School Edition


I feel like my life hums in and out of a solid, coherent state. Some days everything is just too much and I want to hide underneath my blanket and cry. There is too much to do, not enough time to do it, and it should have been done months ago. Other times I feel as efficient as a machine, getting a million things done in one day, checking items off the list. What was I so worried about? I think to myself. This is doable, and now is the perfect time for each task. This Monday was really efficient for me. I came in early, and used the extra time to tie up random loose ends that have accumulated over the weeks:

Sending out the next e-mail for Life Sciences Career Day
Moving an experiment to completion
Ordering lots of items that are running low in lab
Getting our 2008 taxes near completion
Sending out all the birthday cards that needed sending
Updating the jewelry insurance
Sorting random junk mail

Days like that remind me that Iím happiest when Iím busy. Sometimes I bully myself about not getting enough done, and thatís unfair. I think I expect to get more done than is humanly possible, and I canít often meet my silly standards. Maybe someday weíll meet in the middle. Iím just hoping this ďgettingí it doneĒ phase lasts for a while longer. Iíve got so much to do it hurts, you know? Then again, so does everyone else.

My current, sudden passion is crochet, which happened by chance: at the shimmy workshop the teacher had this fantastic hip belt that was a fantastic array of yarn colors and textures, creating a fringe belt that was, yes, a bit muppet-like but ultimately cheerful with great movement. Researching that kind of belt online I was able to determine its construction: the belt base is crocheted, and then all the various yarns are attached to the loops of the crochet. So I decided to teach myself how, and within two days Iíve kinda gone off the deep end. Iíve lost myself to it for hours at a time, and itís wonderful to have the brain so occupied, so consumed that it canít get overwhelmed by the rest of life. But of course you canít ignore the rest of life forever. Weíll see how long this current passion lasts: I love starting projects more than keeping with them.


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