This Is Nothing

Insane Graduate School Edition

1/29/2009

Simultaneous

These days, Iím amazed at my own ability/propensity to be multiple things at once. For instance, today I feel completely nervous about graduate school (again). When will I finish? What will I do next? Am I working hard enough?

Simultaneously, Iím not worried about anything at all. Andy had his 6-month prospectus meeting yesterday, and it went splendidly. His committee thinks heíll be ready to graduate in 6 months (actually, they think less than THAT). We had such a nice evening out with Sarah and Roger for a fancy, celebratory dinner, and then home to watch another fresh episode of LOST.

Iím in this flux of emotions, where Iím so nervous for my own future, so critical of everything I have and havenít done. . . but each wave of anxiety is answered back with an equal or greater wave of glowing calm: who really cares about the anxieties of grad school when all these other things in my life are so damn good? I often lament that I donít know what I want to do for a living. That I canít find the fire in my belly. Canít narrow down a true calling. But right now I think itís pretty silly to worry about those things. And I like having the energy to laugh at them.

I know the months ahead are going to continue to be a whirlwind. Itís just all momentous. Andy will be finishing up, and Iíll be working to do the same. Weíll both need to identify new jobs, and Iím so excited for our life together outside of grad school. My brainís nature is to race ahead and neglect the present, however, so Iím trying not to wholly live in the future, and try living in *today* you dig?


Most of the good things in my life have come through a willingness to set aside fear and take a brave chance. So hear we go!

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nothing ventured, nothing gained
~Sean K

1/30/2009 11:22 AM  
Blogger David Dembinski said...

That's right, Sean. Audentes fortuna juvat.

You're the smartest woman I've ever met, Amber. I'm certain you and Andy will find something wonderful to do with your lives.

1/31/2009 10:24 AM  

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