Simultaneous

These days, I’m amazed at my own ability/propensity to be multiple things at once. For instance, today I feel completely nervous about graduate school (again). When will I finish? What will I do next? Am I working hard enough?

Simultaneously, I’m not worried about anything at all. Andy had his 6-month prospectus meeting yesterday, and it went splendidly. His committee thinks he’ll be ready to graduate in 6 months (actually, they think less than THAT). We had such a nice evening out with Sarah and Roger for a fancy, celebratory dinner, and then home to watch another fresh episode of LOST.

I’m in this flux of emotions, where I’m so nervous for my own future, so critical of everything I have and haven’t done. . . but each wave of anxiety is answered back with an equal or greater wave of glowing calm: who really cares about the anxieties of grad school when all these other things in my life are so damn good? I often lament that I don’t know what I want to do for a living. That I can’t find the fire in my belly. Can’t narrow down a true calling. But right now I think it’s pretty silly to worry about those things. And I like having the energy to laugh at them.

I know the months ahead are going to continue to be a whirlwind. It’s just all momentous. Andy will be finishing up, and I’ll be working to do the same. We’ll both need to identify new jobs, and I’m so excited for our life together outside of grad school. My brain’s nature is to race ahead and neglect the present, however, so I’m trying not to wholly live in the future, and try living in *today* you dig?


Most of the good things in my life have come through a willingness to set aside fear and take a brave chance. So hear we go!