Not at all the dream I wanted to have!

I had a dream last night that my cat Snow needed me to cut through her head to relieve some sort of sinus pressure. I was slicing through her skull (saggital section) so that it was being cut in half along the plane between her eyes. But I got caught up in it and sliced all the way through. In my dream I killed my cat, and then I realized that she'd died on Christmas Day in 2003.

I also dreamt I floated across the Ohio River to a zoo where there was a giant octopus and a Red Raptor Breeding Program. I awoke before any mayhem could occur.

So this weekend, I watched Kill Bill, Kill Bill Vol. 2, and Confessions of a Dangerous Mind. So there's been alot of "killers for hire" theme running through my head. \I wanted to launch onto a discussion of this topic, but really, I don't have anything novel to say about it. The most fun thought during that inner tirade was this:

How can you owe yourself anything, when to owe implies that you possess something that you should give to yourself. It's interesting how you can divide yourself into parts. Parts to control and owe, and parts that dole out rewards and necessities. I spoil myself alot. Work is never a main priority. Life is. And I don't mean that is some sort of "I'm a student of life, oh-so-enlightened" way. I'm just saying that work doesn't make me feel good about myself. I mean, I feel good when I do a good job, but I don't think I'll ever be like some of the other students, burning midnight oil forever and ever to get work done. I'm really nervous about keeping my sanity--it seems so tenuously attached.

My best memory of this weekend was walking up State Street with Ben, talking to my Mom on the cell phone, like I had promised her I would. She had suspected for a long time that things between Dave and I were closing up. "Someone once told me, Amber, that ending a relationship is a series of closing of doors" she would say. I think that's a correct, in this case. It is ALWAYS good to talk with her, and the weather was so beautiful--almost too wet and hot, but with a persistant wind. Everyone in Madison is so visibly happy; it is wonderful to be out walking amid so many smiling people.

Another week, no?