This Is Nothing

Insane Graduate School Edition

9/16/2008

Allergic, Overwhelmed-ish

Ugh. This has been quite a special year folks, what with the first year of being married and nearing the end of the PhD and all. But it’s also been my very first year of seasonal allergies, as far as I can tell. Currently I’m in the creepy-crawly itchy skin, eye-twitch phase. When this happened earlier this spring, I thought I was going crazy, so I guess there is SOME comfort in feeling so buggy now. Problem is I’ve got plenty of things to focus on and get done, and it’s hard to really sit still.

I’m also in another trough of feeling really overwhelmed about getting my paper done, making good progress on my PhD, and thinking about future careers. I know everything is going to be just fine and worrying won’t help anything, but I also know that this feeling comes and goes and right now it’s just more “present” than it is other times. It creeps into every area it can settle in to, and so I keep having to sweep it out of corners of my life. I worry I’m not handling my finances correctly. I worry I’m letting the apartment get too messy. Lot’s of “not ________ enough” worries. Not saving enough. Not cleaning enough. Not being active enough. Not cooking at home enough. Not focusing at work enough. Not progressing on my paper enough. And then I wonder: how much IS enough? My brain likes to throw that word around like a known quantity, but it doesn’t want to define it.

One final thing, which will sound silly: Synchronicity is UP. I was singing a random song to Andy last night and it came on the radio this morning. This weekend, I was thinking in my car “the more I learn, the less I know” and an hour later our Pilates instructor uttered these same words. I know I’ve felt it more than I’m remembering it. It’s just strange.

Oh, and I just joined a Facebook group for my high school “Class of ’99 10th year reunion.” Which is just freaking me the heck out. . . a bit ?

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