When left to their own devices. . .

Well, I learned something about myself tonight. I already knew that getting attention and approval are one of my main drives in life. And this leads to jealousy. Always the jealousy. Inescapable. If a girl does something better than I do, or is prettier than I am, or get's praised for being smarter or any other -er, my chances of liking them are smaller. That is, unless I already adore them.

Take Alice for instance. Defintely a better horn player, definitely better at attracting the attentions and followings of guys. Technically by my code of girl-relationship ethics, I should be waaay too threatened. But I love my Alice.

Tonight I was reminded about this loophole in the jealously clause, at Jiu Jitsu. My long-lost freshman-year friend Emily has taken up the class. Emily is somewhat known for being a heartbreaker, or at least for dating several guys on campus I know for shortish periods of time. She's enthusiastic beyond my abilities, blonde, taller, and MUCH stronger. She walks into class and we're having great fun. But now SHE is the delightful chick who's getting lots of help and attention. Admittedly, she's new and needs help and attention, but of course I'm insecure and get a little tweaked about it. But then I remembered how happy I was to have her in the class, and how much fun it is to see her again, and it just melted. Hugs to Emily.

I'm just so bad at being consistent. Like, I typically go through phases with girls where I deeply hate them, and then suddenly the next week and forever onward they are my best friend. I have issues. But who doesn't?

LATE ADDITION: I just walked back to Henry, and a girl with long, blackish brown hair was sitting at the smoker's bench, puffing away on either cloves or Swisher's Sweets. . . .I thought it was Allison for a second. Allison used to sit right there. But she doesn't anymore. . .