It’s rainy outside, ok?

Once again, Freewill Astrology makes me think a little bit in an appropriate way. My horoscope for this week:

Donald Hall wrote a poem in which two men are talking. One says, "I was a fool three years ago." The other replies, "One is always a fool three years ago." I bring this to your attention, Leo, because it's a perfect moment to take a good long look at the ignorance and naiveté that clung to you in the latter half of 2002. The time is also ripe to make sure that you have corrected your erroneous ideas and cleaned up the karma that resulted from them. To do so will bring you uncanny satisfaction.

Where was I in the 2nd half of 2002? Coming back from a magical internship in Hawaii, getting ready to enter into the last year of undergrad (2002-2003), applying to grad schools, absolutely certain PhD was the way to go. The “big stuff” as I saw it, though, was that I got engaged. It was a busy, giddy time. I spent huge amounts of time watching that pretty little ring sparkle. I remember shopping for it with Dave—absolutely stressful because we were young and not rich, and what I really wanted was a ring with both our birthstones in it, and nobody would easily facilitate that. That, and I’m a “make several shopping trips and then decide” kind of girl, and Dave is a “make one directed trip” kind of guy. I ended up spotting this delicate band with 3 diamonds in it, and man I thought all my life I didn’t care much for diamonds but they sparkle a lot. And for a girl, yeah, it means a lot more than sparkle. And it did.

The 2nd half followed a really hellish set of months that anyone near me in undergrad has already heard about ad nauseum and these days doesn’t seem nearly so bad as I remember it feeling. I feel like I learned a lot then, and then unlearned it while I was away in Hawaii. But I don’t know if that’s a fair statement. Getting engaged to Dave felt absolutely right at the time. Love is crazy. But after all the excitement of getting engaged and doing all the traditional things, the long haul of a long engagement would eventually wear heavily on us both, and the fact that we were very different people became increasingly clear.

So, the freewill astrology guy wants me to think about what I’ve learned. So here are my lessons:

1. Distance and anger are healthy things in the breakup process. There will always be time to be friends again, and a better chance of it if you get to vent beforehand. Get out of town, drop below radar, change your name, whatever. Extraction is key.
2. Curiosity killed my cat five million times. Avoid sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong or obsessing about things and people who are no longer your problem. You are still allowed to care, though.
3. Love is different every time.
4. It is actually very important to be similar in some ways. There are very few if any “extra points” in life for tolerating people, and usually they don’t want your toleratin’
5. Beware falling in love with being in love.
On a happier note: Alice commands we all name 10 things we are grateful for. I’m going to stick to five because otherwise I’ll never get things done.

1. I am grateful to be living in Madison, where I get to be in a bigger city but still be unafraid to take a walk at night.
2. I am grateful that mom made me take ballet, encouraged me to do speech and drama and band. Though it will always make me nervous, I can gives speeches in front of large groups of people, and do it well. And yeah, mom was right, ballet taught me poise and grace.
3. I am grateful to have landed this incredibly handsome guy who is just as much of a geek as I am, loves sushi and dancing, IS one of my best friends, and does not think I’m too loopy. Just loopy enough.
4. I am greatful for my friends here in Madison, and in the greater world at large. They love me and support me even when I flake out and don’t e-mail or call. Friends because of kindred spirits instead of fulfilled obligations.
5. I am grateful my parents traveled and loved and lived long before they had us, because we have gotten to benefit from parents that are happy with their lives and have true wisdom to share.