It's too easy

I was going to make some comparison of relationship withdrawl to drug withdrawl, but jesus christ that's an old and tired comparison. Downright true, though.

I find myself in the middle of the "don't want a real relationship, just justification I'm still dateable" phase, which is just after the "shock and awe" phase. I've accepted that things really ARE over, but now I'm getting antsy. Fidgety. Effected by the moon itself, maybe.

Friday was a crazy night, with a full Snow Moon to boot. People were breaking bottles all over the Cardinal's dance floor, while we were all drenched and sweatin' to 80's night. It was crowded, we were all hot, and the dancing felt good--just getting the chance to twist and turn and belt out "Like a Prayer." Maybe it's why I love dancing, because it lets you out. You get to feel sexy, and that's good medicine these days.

I'd like to say that something exciting happened on Friday, but really it wasn't a night for me. We all had a fantastic time, don't get me wrong. There are just some things I've let myself believe to feel better, and now I need to sit down with myself and say hey, you're a lovely lady, but don't get carried away. Don't start reading into things because really, I'm too eager for hope that someone else likes me. And I know it's gotten silly. I confessed my foolery to Sharon, who's also recently single and a captive passenger in my car, and I feel better about it now. I shouldn't need someone interested in me to feel good about myself.

But really, that's how I got out of depression last time I was single. It's harder here, where I'm still relatively new and not sure even attempting dating within the program would be a wise idea--but that's mainly the only people I know. "Long-term relationship" makes me feel nauseous. .. .so who would be decent but want to put up wtih me? Blargh. I wish there were an easy way to be dating happily again. Valentine's day, peh.

The bright side is that it seems likely Sharon will let me share her apartment next year. She's strange in the best ways and also recently single, so I have a friend to confide with. She also has a saltwater aquarium. Bonus.