Friday, October 24, 2003

When Amber's unhappy

Aint'. . . .nobody. . . .happy?

I'd like to take a highlighter (preferably purple or blue) and grind it over sunday through tuesday. And if I did that, I'd probably have to dot every Sunday for many weeks past. Because these are the days I'm less than happy.

Yeah, I seem to go through this depressive spell every sunday. After thinking about it, alot of it is the fact I have to go back to school on Monday, and I typically haven't done any of my work because I was enjoying the weekend.

I've blamed alot of things for my unhappiness. It's so typical for me to externalize it and blame fate, fortune, and other people. Isn't life easier when things aren't your fault? Well, this is not to say that everything surrounding my life is perfect, but I think really I'm just not happy with myself. I'm bored with my hair, my body is getting older EVERY time I look at it. I'm eating all the wrong things and not drinking enough water. I don't like my clothes. I think people think I'm a bit stuckup, when actually they are just like me: afraid to freak people out with the freakiness. And it's silly, but i get twingy jealous when all the fuss is over the single girls. But that's because I've had it fixed into my head that the only dependable attention was a guy's attention. Girls are fickle, and I never really wanted to handle that.

But I've done my complaining, and I've got to give mad props to my best girl Alice for listening to me complain.

Things have just got to change. Dave told me, basically, that one of the hardest parts about being an adult is that no one is here to tell you what to do or what to be. It's already exciting. I mean, that's supposed to be college in a nutshell, but I still had to go home and answer to mom and dad.

I still have to go home for Thanksgiving. . . but it's crazy that it's my money now that supports me. Now If I can just get around to supporting my damn stupid ego.