Takin' a little break

I don't know why I let assignments make me so worried that I put them off till the last minute and then keep taking large "breaks" thinking it will help me think better when I get back to the topic. B-largh.

Anyway, this week is half over, which is pretty darn good. I've discovered that FX has Buffy playing at 7AM at weekdays, so I have a whole new reason to get up in the morning. My first rotation is winding down, without alot of success, but there's colonies on my plates, so there is hope yet that I made this darn protocol work.

In the House of Doom Message board (where my highschool pals hang out) we've been discussing the benefits/drawbacks/problems with group living (aka the topic started out as polygamy and now it's taken off). Frankly, if there was a way to make it work, I'd be for it. Not in the sense that I'd want to give up Dave or that he's not enough for me--hell, even in my dreams, when a some cute guy will ask me out, I always turn them down because I wouldn't want to lose Dave. I think what it's about, for me, is keeping the friends I have for longer than a 4-year term. Sometimes I wish I could've somehow gotten engaged to a lot of you at the same time and taken you with me to Madison. At Hiram, I made the best friends I have EVER made. People I was truly myself around, comfortable with, and frankly, I love you all for it.

I was thinking about it the other day, how really I do love many people. It made me sad to think that I'll probably never tell any of you face to face that I do, so I'll say it here. You can't get into "I love so and so more" crap, because it's just not correct. Of everyone, Dave is the one who's closest to whatever little pulsing core is me. But it's just amazing to realize that really if I could marry you all I would. You know who you are. If it meant I could keep you all with me for all my life, I would do it. Maybe that is what is so great and fine about marriage: keeping a best friend with you for ever. It's cheesy-sounding, but when you leave just about everyone behind you realize what a gift it is.

Anyway, my new thought-exercise for day-dreaming is imagining I have a big big house, with many rooms in it. And each room is made special to be for a friend of mine. And when I get lonely I imagine that I walk down the hallway and knock on their door, and I can sit down and talk with them for awhile. It's fun to imagine all the things that might make them happy. There's just something comforting about having all your friends with you, even if it's just in your crazy head. God knows there's plenty of room. . .