In the Cards

I had a lot of dreams last night and in one of them I was telling someone “Oh no thank you, I have my own cards.”

In fact, I do have my own cards, and yes they are tarot cards. Back in Junior High they were dead-on when I’d do a reading for someone. These days I do readings just for me. Even if they contain no connection to a mystical higher power, they do give me the chance to take some random symbols and configure my reality into some sort of pattern. Like, if a card represents conflict, it lets me think about what conflict I might having going on. . .you get the idea.

After feeling absolutely overwhelmed on Sunday (probably a cocktail of wedding, hormones, and still needing more sleep) I decided to consult the cards.

I’m represented by a state of paralyzation due to all choices leading to undesirable outcomes, in my mind. What I want to be is a person of action and achievement. Crossing this was the Ace of Cups, which represents love and emotions in their most primal form—this makes my goal of becoming a person of action harder. The past has been kindof stressful and awful, but the future influences were represented by the Queen of Wands—loyalty, constancy, and creativity.

It looks like their will be money worries in the near future. Others will view me as wealthy and all-together, while I will likely feel the opposite. My hopes and fears are represented by the page of wands—a need for a more childlike, creative nature, but a fear that this will bring ridicule and disdain. I cannot remember what the ultimate outcome card was, but it really was neither good nor bad. But there was a sense that I will be almost completely drained of energy, and suddenly new strength will emerge. I’m still waiting for that to come about.

The whole reading has been on target. I don’t know where my money has gone to. I try to get things done but I feel like some days I can’t function because I’m so emotional. I want to be more creative, optimistic, and maybe a little more trusting and naïve, but that is hard to do. We’ll see. Right now, I just wish I had a nap written in those cards. . .