Thursday, February 17, 2005

Thursday!

One of the great things about tuesdays and thursdays is that I am solidly scheduled for 75% of them. I mean, I blink and I've gone from reading before class to class to lunch to TA-ing for three hours to lab work and then home. It's over practically before I know it.

But of course, this is also exactly why they can suck.

I'm not saying today sucked. It feels more like I put up with alot of stupid stuff and made it through alive (in part because I fell asleep last night at 9PM and slept till this morning). And yeah, there is something impressive about surviving it.

Sure, it's my second year of grad school, but only now really am I beginning to feel like a real grad student. And while alot of that involves starting to feel like I'm learning how to think more critically, and learning more facts and concepts. . . alot of it is just learning to not care about stupid crap that isn't important. Like:

A)I do have important work to do, and my time is valuable. I used to think that I should attend every little thing and thoroughly read all papers before they are discussed. But my time is valuable. My sanity is valuable. My soul will inevitably be broken by prelims, so I should be choosy about my before-soul-broken time.

B)I'm not brilliant. Or at least, I don't have a snowball's chance in hell of being the most brilliant person on this campus. I should not be afraid of not knowing something. That is stupid.

I'm working on getting these two concepts hammered into my head, so that I can sleep a little better at night.

In other news, I have been handed my first packet of lab reports to grade. I'm of the opinion that my kids in my lab TA-ship are pretty smart, but damn do some of them have horrific handwriting! Grading these things makes me feel sort of funny-like. I have been entrusted with some sort of authority, and it feels good, but unnerving. Also I asked one kid in lab today if he could stop eating food in lab, please. He sipped his soup-in-a-cup and said he was just walking out of the lab with it. He still had a pepsi bottle behind his backpack. He's the same kid that I caught looking through the graded quizzes last week. I am being tested, methinks.

On a personal level, life is pretty good. Negotiating the "we're two friends dating in a close group of friends" scenario isn't very easy, but it's worth it, worth it, worth it. And frankly, I had a lovely Valentine's day that was the exact opposite of me wanting to claw my eyes out. Which is an obtuse way of saying it was exactly what I wanted.

Finally: DON MICHAEL POLLACK WHY HAVEN'T YOU POSTED RECENTLY!????!!!

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