I am really horrible at self-restraint when it comes to treating myself. Usually, this is a good, confident thing. Like: hey, I've worked my ass off all through my prior education; I deserve a day off. I had a crappy sunday, so I indulged in the following:

1. Purchasing of a handsfree setup for my cell
2. Hour-long soaking bath while reading Elle followed up by the hottest of showers
3. A full afternoon of AIM-ing people

Frankly, I pride myself on not being one of those people who continually sacrifice themselves expecting others to see it and validate them. I've watched mom do it for years. Compassion and compromise are good, but putting everyone else's needs first isn't realistic or healthy.

But the thing is, when it comes to indulging, sometimes it feels growling and nearly uncontrollable. And very clearly you hear the logical portion of your brain explain all the reasons for not doing something or taking something--for not drinking so much or staying up so late. But sometimes I just ache to give in, especially when I'm tired. I have a really loud Id; not just for food or boys or clothes or leisure. . . but between those four I sure do wear myself out with trying to negotiate it.

Overall, Monday was kindof lousy. Not enough squid hatched and the scintillation counter got stuck, so I can't do hard research for a couple more days, and I have lab meeting on Thursday--which means sitting down and saying "hey, I don't have much data. Can I brainstorm a bit with you guys?" (aka, I wish I was more productive by now, and I have to admit I haven't been). I know that I'm learning, and finally reaching a point where I'm making real progress--it is simply excruciating to have to experience the learning curve. Having to swallow my pride of years of getting A's easily to actually work and accept that I'm going to make so many mistakes before I actually get things to work. It's hard. And I like treats.