*SHRUG*

Bahh, I don't know what to think of today. I totally flipped out and snapped at mom twice in one day, which isn't good. The first time was while we were at my sister Liz's softball game--on a field with direct sun in the afternoon and no shade. I'd gone home and applied sunscreen and wore a hat like a good pale person should. So I'm sitting, baking, in the sun, and I leaned forward for maybe five minutes to cool off my legs with my own shade. Mom reached over and tried to pull the back of my shirt or pants or something--asking me if I'd put sunscreen on my back, in that too-quick and maybe not thinking motion. And I yelled at her that I was just fine, yes I'd done it myself. Yes I'd put on sunscreen. (for Christ sakes, I'm 21, can I take care of my own skin care now?).

Then I flipped out when we were back home, after a tremendously awesome thunderstorm. When the rain stopped, a brilliant double rainbow appeared nearly over our house. Nobody had a camera, so I ran up and got mine, brought it back down, and snapped a picture. Happy with my picture, I put the camera down. Then Dad told me to come over to where he was and take a picture. Then Don told me to come over to where he was and take a picture. Both of which were in the rain, and I was trying to avoid getting the lens wet. So I said no, I don't think so. And instead of just respecting that hey, it's Amber's camera and maybe she doesn't want to take a picture over there, it had to become this big thing where I was obviously being unreasonable for not wanting to be the family's personal photographer for a rainbow I'd already photographed the way I wanted to. So I stormed off again, and played made a moon zoo on Zoo Tycoon for a couple hours.

And of course, after writing this, the theme is obvious: People try to tell me what to do and damnit I just want to do it myself . . .no drama. It's the perennial problem I run into when I'm at home: everyone is pretty helpful, but I get to the point where I have to be totally dependent on them for everything, and I stop feeling very much like the adult I am.

That, and I need to hang out with people my own age, and that doesn't coordinate so well when you dont' have your own transportation. And grandpa tells me to hold off selling my stocks (for buying a car) for a little bit, because the stock market keeps going up every day. . .

In similar news, and in less spastic times earlier in the week: Dad started to teach me the basics of driving a standard, using our 1980's VW Diesel Rabbit. It's a white Rabbit, so it made me think of Alice! It seems go-kart sized and has a leopard print carseat. We took it up to the Dairy Plant parkinglot, and Dad showed me how to put the car in 1st and Reverse. I did a couple figure 8's, and only stalled the thing twice. It's just scary when you have to transition from letting off the clutch and pushing on the gas at the same time, and the whole car makes this WHUUUMP WHUUUMP WHUUUUMP! noise. BUT i also can revv up the little diesel engine, which makes a fantastic VROOOMing sound. And compared to the Chevy Lumina Van. . .this thing turns on a dime. Maybe there is hope for me as a standard driver yet--there's just alot of thinking required at this stage, and I can't imagine trying to pull it off in traffic anytime soon.

Finally, APARTMENTS!!!

Ok, so I was also in tears late friday night, because after talking with Dave and looking soberly at our chances of getting an apartment search in on a weekend and still get Dave back in time for work. . .I realized it just wasn't going to happen. That, and the trip had ballooned to include Mom and Dad as well as Don, which I think kindof freaked Dave out a bit. Understandable, as suddenly the whole trip becomes rather parent-provided and driven, in one small car for ten or more hours. So, finally, we came to the agreement that we'd look at apartments somewhat together online, and then I'd go check out the creme de la creme in person, in Madison. Then my parents could see Madison and be happy, and I could get the apartment issue settled. It would be thoroughly awesome if Dave could see Madison before we moved up, but I'm not going to make any predictions. Inevitably, we'll get there.

Of course, I haven't established any credit yet (duh, that was dumb of me). So likely mom and dad will have to cosign my lease agreement if I sign one. And of course, there is the issue of Dave not being there and whether or not he needs to sign the lease too, and if so, how we get that accomplished. . .ack.

So, the plans for monday are to cash my 700 dollars worth of checks from various sources, and either establish a new bank account (mom's main reason for this is that when I want to buy a car, it would be good to have my extra money in a local bank. And then I need to make the mad long-distance calls to arrange viewings of the apartments I'm interested in. The idea is to drive out Tuesday, and look Wednesday and possibly Thursday, and make it back before the weekend. And with some luck, I'll come home with pictures of a cute little apartment and dream of how Dave and I will make it ours.

Oh dear lord, that sounds kindof cheesy. ..

Ok! to counter the cheesiness in this epic entry, I suggest you go read the New Strongbad E-mail. That'll make it better.