Spider Sex and Car Wrecks
AMBIGUITY RATING (1-10) 8.5

Wow, watch Amber steal a title from some album from some band, and a title that only marginally applies to anything here at that!

Mainly, this had to deal with car wrecks. And by car wrecks I metaphorically mean horrible things that you can't help but stand by and watch happen. Like when you're watching a horror movie, and the group decides to "split up" and all you can do is think "NO YOU IDIOTS NOOOO!!!" or maybe even yell and throw stuff at the screen. Let me pose two questions here:

1. Think of a time of great personal drama in your life, and see if you can think of anyway you could have avoided it.
2. If you from the future had come back and told you of the present that something horrible might happen, would you believe them?

Man, I think I've been watching too much DUNE, what with all this destiny-see-the-future-but-cannot-alter-it crapola. But seriously. What if you could see the makings for disaster? What if it's only in your head? And even if it isn't, shouldn't you feel bad for taking some sick pleasure in hypothesizing and waiting to see what happens?

The other half of this COIN OF DESTINY (imagine an echo here) is that I feel old. All I've been doing is working, and the occasional bout of walking or TV watching. And that's not a bad thing. Two days of utter depression this year are absolutely nothing compared to last year, when I spent my break at home trying to shop my way to happiness but still getting on AIM like a retard. I couldn't have stopped me, even if I tried. I feel like our lives had a special little moment on the Hiram drama stage, and now we're getting rotated out. It's weird, because sure I'm happy I have someone to love and love and love, and I'm happy not to have to try to share that love with anyone. I'm so possesive. I was thinking about that today. Last year I got the chance to just date someone with no strings attached, and I was like "sure! I can dig this! This is what I've always wanted!" but I bristled just a little whenever any female came within a 50 yard radius, and I even cried a little when the year came to an end. So I think the lesson I'm supposed to learn today is that most tasks are surmountable when you just take a deep breath and do them, but don't kid yourself--you're not superman. I'll probably never be the vampy super sex kitten I always wish I could be. I'll probably never be a vampire slayer, yeah. Can't always be happy, and shouldn't be suprised about that.

Oh enough of this crap :) APEX talk outline with bulleted notes is DONE and turned in to Prudy. At this point, technically I could go in and give the talk now. But I'd really like to practice. . .just a little. Well, I'm off to get a little work done, since I had to watch Dune tonight, and I'm supposed to have read, like, a million chapters for Neuroscience this Monday.