Amber, pre-Chicago

Ok, so obviously it's late at night. But what's wrong with that? I mean, it's Campus Day tomorrow! I should be able to sleep in and roll around and do nothing and. . .oh wait. . . I can't do any of that because tomorrow is Amber-in-an-airplane day. In case you somehow didn't hear me mention it before, I'm headed out on my first Grad school visit to Loyola University of Chicago's Immunology Department. I'm excited and at the same time not thrilled because I'll have alot of schoolwork to catch up on, and also I'm admittedly nervous.

I mean, I should be asleep already. Because I need to go to bed at a decent hour thursday night to wake up bright and early Friday for my interviewing/touring which begins at 8:30AM, and I'm told will last till 8PM. When I read that part of my info packet, I just put my hands to my face and began chanting "Oh fuck me. Oh fuck me. oh goddamn it. . . ."

Maybe it wont' be so bad. I mean seriously, I've been through worse. I'll get free food. I interview very well--although it's my mom who tells me this and of course you know how moms are. But I think I'll be ok. My biggest fear is not having any questions to ask. It sounds silly, but asking questions shows inquisitiveness, interest, and a flexible mind. And I am always so busy trying to process everything, that I don't even want to add more information. And this is the main reason I'm visiting Loyola: I need to learn what questions I'll want to ask. I don't think I want to go there, but I do need the practice for Georgia and Wisconsin. I mean, it's hard to know what you'll want to know about a program until you're already in one. . . .

Ok, so I'm partially scared to death to be doing this. Going to Chicago for the first time, riding in a taxi ride for the first time, interviewing at a grad school for the first time. . . OH hell.

I've also been doing my ritualistic "confront the fact your plane might crash" behaviour. Happens every time I get ready to fly. The night before, I do something to give me closure. I've hidden notes that would be found only if I was "really gone," I've left journal entries behind. . .. Ok, so I'm not afraid of dying itself. I'm afraid of leaving things without closure (although mainly I don't want to die anytime soon because things are just starting to get really good). So I told Dave I loved him, because it always bugs me when people cry about how they "never said I love you." So that's said and done. Find this silly yet? I'm embarassed. But my whole family knows that I love them, or at least they better. Sam: you're the best friend ever. Sprite: never sent you a thank-you card or anything, but thanks!!! Alice rules, as do all the other people I'd list but probably forget someone and then I'd feel bad. I think that's it for now!

To be Continued. . ..