The Buffy Dillema

Well, I finished the last episodes of season one of Buffy. . . it was great, great fun, and in the process I have at least my little sister Liz totally hooked on the show. And today I saw it, at Wal-mart during a group outing. .. the third season DVD bright and glistening in its shrinkwrap. Oh I'm in trouble kids. It would be so grand just to have the second season. . .all 22 episodes. It even has a performance by Cibo Matto--the crazy musical Japanese duo that sing about cake on Jet Set Radio. Holy shit, it's A SIGN, I was meant to have this set of DVD's. But of course I need to be frugal too, so I'm just at the middle point, torn fitfully between buying it and waiting for the price to go down. At one point, I know it's me being very much a fan. But don't we all have something like this in our lives? Something that we cherish and wish to aquire as much as possible of? Hear me Trekkies and Star Wars fans and Alien-lovers (like myself)! You are not alone!
Jonah offered to buy it for me, but I could not accept. Alas, even Amber the mooch has limits. Just lets me know I wasn't ever going to be cut out for gold-digging, and there's something I can feel better about, concerning myself.

I've finally reached the point where if I do not go home soon I'm going to flip out. Could also be a smidge of PMS, but in general I just can't stand sharing this house anymore, doing the dishes, having mom redecorate the kitchen immediately after dinner. It's just too much. We went to Liz's basketball game at my old Junior High: Sherrard Jr. High. This seemed to mean, for mom, that I should be this little show displaying how amazing and interesting and entertaining it is for me to revisit this building.

"Amber, do you remember where the bathroom is?" Of course I do. I went here for three years of my life, very memorable and of course tainted with the trauma specific to junior high life. I don't want to remember it. I hate being there, because it somehow makes me feel young. Like I never left. It kindof scares me.

"AMBER, look, it's your old school! Do you remember it?" She said with the big nodding grin.
I couldn't stand it. "Mom, I really hope you aren't going to do this for very long"

Then of course I got mad at myself. I love my mom, and god bless her for always being so interested in her kids. But sometimes it's just too much. Like whenever she asks if I remember someone:

"Amber, do you remember your Great Grandma Schaefer?" to which I'll reply no.
"My mother's mother?" she adds, like that question somehow clarifies things. I of course know which grandmother she was talking about, and for some reason it bugs me that she assumes I don't know. The fact is, I don't remember her. And of course, now I feel like I'm supposed to remember. And at the same time, I just want to wash the dishes, not try to recall things I can't recall. Like I said, I need to go back to hiram.

I miss just being me. I miss being able to just run around and go through my day without parents and siblings and such. I just want to go about quietly for awhile. Oh, and maybe not have my sister always borrowing the buffy DVD's without asking.