You know, something has really been bugging me over the last handful of days. Two things really: the issues of imitation and coolness. Let's deal with imitation first: Ok, so it's the sincerest form of flattery. But what about when it's not-intentional? What about if you order a cool hat online, come home, and find out one of your compatriots already owns two just like it? Do you wear the hat? My logical brain would argue "hell yes! who says they have the patent on this fashion" but socially I get really queasy. I have this idea that folks will assume that compatriot had the style first, and that I'm copying it. When in fact I just happen to have the same taste. . .

I mean, I get downright frustrated. While it has been shown that I am reportedly cool, I really feel classified as a bookish, tame sort of cool. I feel trapped as the "less creative one," and let me tell you that sucks. It sucks to be transported back to highschool, where I wanted so very much to express myself, but didnt' really have the time, and people would assume I was quiet and aloof when IN FACT I wanted so very badly just to get along with everyone and have a good time.

Basically, the latter issue applies to this whole glommish first issue. Sometimes things get too loud in the lounge for me. For one thing, I'm not big on philisophical debates--they really tire me. I just want to chill in the lounge and yell at the TV occasionally. I'm happy the lounge is so well habitated, but the mood has shifted a bit. Not a bad thing, just maybe not always my thing. My whole crew of life-saving close friends from last year are gone and/or graduated. So I've gotten a bit lonely. So suddenly I'm looking for approval and recognition amongst folks that maybe just aren't my scene. . .and I get really confused, emotionally.

So what did I do? I sat in the lounge for an hour, watching Trading Spaces with Jesse, and letting the healing powers of the lounge rejuvinate me. Ahhhhh. Don't ask me how that helped. I think maybe I just needed to socialize, put in my lounge time, and be less detached from the life of the lounge. I do miss it sometimes. . . .

All in all, I hate feeling like I have to define myself. I hate obsessing about how others see me. You know what? I can be loud and crazy and odd and dorky and utterly dirty and creative, and occasionally pretty darn smart. And it drives me NUTS when people pigeon-hole me as run-of-the-mill, or assume I'm not as smart as they are, or think me a prude. I know it's their loss, but it still pisses me off. The message for today? People aren't what they seem, so try not to make assumptions. Hard to do though . ..

I don't know if I get to come to Alice's party or not. .. I have NO car. SIGH!