Sunday, October 27, 2002

A not-so-secret dream

So who out there has seen "Insomniac" with Dave Attel (I think that's who hosts it)? I love that show. He just wanders around cities late at night looking for people to talk to. Simple concept, and I envy him so badly. I mean, he's living the World of Darkness Dream. . . wandering the dark streets of the city in search of adventure, playing with the dark denizens of the night. . . ok, now it's starting to sound hokey.

The thing is, I wish I could do that.

Saturday night was the big haunted Colton event. I was dressed all darkly and in my favorite Buffy-coat (It's leathery, red, and knee length--and I've seen The Slayer (yeah!) wear it during an episode. So yes, I'm a dork. But, anyway, all the lights were knocked out in Colton, the hallways blocked with caution tape, and I had to make my way to the abandoned elevator, as it was the only way to reach the third floor. I crept through the hallway, and then the corridor faded into pitchblack. So I had to grope around for the elevator button. The door ground open, and inside it was lit with a single, weak blacklight. So I stood in the elevator, in the dark, waiting for anything to happen. . . .

It's not often life lets you make-believe. But this was one of those times. I was ready, stake in hand, to take on anything. I had a mission to complete. It may sound silly, but it was breathtaking.

I made it back to the party alive, and helped out there for the rest of the night. When it was all over, I was left with this beautiful, spooky, warmish fall night. I wanted to walk around forever, exploring all the dark buildings, feeling the trees whisper behind my back. I wanted to leap on rooftops, wanted to fear things just enough to be scared, but not enough to run, you know?

That's why I envy that guy on Insomniac. He does what I only wish I could do. . . wander the streets without fear, meeting strange people, seeing bizzare things. It's part of the reason I love Buffy too, because she doesn't have to worry about much when she's on patrol. I wish I could live without so much fear. Or at least without worrying I'm gonna get mugged or raped or killed. Because I dream of cityscapes sometimes. When I play Jet Set Radio Future, sometimes that city looks more familiar than it should. It's hard to explain, but damnit . . . .

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