It's in the air. . .

You know, sometimes it sucks to be a senior with seniory friends. We're all stressed. I remember, fondly, freshmen year, when I was the only one in the world who seemed stressed. It was great, because whenever I wanted to un-stress, all I needed to do was hang out with all my relaxed compatriots, and all was well.

But these days--especially after perusing several webjournals--I'm convinced we're all too damn stressed. I found myself on the razor edge of missing the turmoil of last year, because it forced me to think about anything BUT work. It slowed everything down, soooo much. Not that I really want all that crap back. It just makes me think how banal life can be.

Today was semi-good, in that I thought I had to present a paper tomorrow, and then found out I have to present a paper NEXT WEEK. A nice suprise, thank god. So I instantly mellowed out. But man I got back from dinner, and found this HUGE list of e-mails from the AIBS folks about getting this or that done. Tim Bryant didn't put my add in the Harbinger. Katie went ahead and sent out a big advertising mass-email. . . .and I have to admit it really bugged me.

See, I claimed advertising as my main responsibility for the Halloween stuff. I've been kicking my ass to get everything possible done in it. I've constructed waves of flyers all by myself. . . but all the sudden it's like someone thought "we need to send out a mass e-mail, but don't ask Amber about it. . ."

It just seems a bit condescending. Why let the person in charge of advertising know you're sending out a mass e-mail? I have discovered another weakness of mine: "The fear of appearing incompetent"

Lately, I've just been getting this vibe from some of the officers. Like they all have everything under control, Amber. Don't you worry your pretty little head. I feel like regardless of how much effort I put into it, I barely ever get so much as a thanks. One girl volunteered for several different timeslots of selling tickets and she gets a "You rock my world" from Vanessa. . . I just don't get it. And it pisses me off. I want to be taken seriously. But whenever I say that, all I get is a little chuckle, and maybe a pat on the head. Or just blank stares. Then folks will tell me what THEY want me to do. Assume I don't know what to do and tell me so everyone will assume THEY came up with it.

Oh, and the best part? If I say anything about it, I'm "getting all upset" or "making a fuss." I think everyone knows what impotent means. Well, sometimes that's how I feel. The world tells you if you work hard and do your part, people will take you seriously. And that's all there is to it! Don't believe it, not for one fake smiling minute.

I just don't get it, because it didn't always feel this way. AIBS has been totally fun. Just lately, things don't seem the same.