Sunday, June 09, 2002

SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY!!

This has to have been, hands down, the laziest weekend of my life--which is pretty great mostly. There are many phases to life. . . mainly four:
worried
not worried
sleepy
not sleepy

I have been SOOO FREAKING TIRED lately, and I have finally stopped worrying why and chalked it up to not having to do much of anything. I'm ignoring the atrophy in my muscles with the promise that I will bike and walk all over the place in Hawaii. That and my goal to live as much on seafood as possible. SUSHI!!! SASHIMI!!!! YES!

I never thought that inactivity would be a problem for me. . . but I guess I'll never be a true slacker. It's been driving me bonkers to sit around with nothing to do and NO FRIENDS TO TALK TO--mainly the latter. It's been good to sit and think though, about alot of things. I needed to just immobilize for awhile, after everything obviously. At the exact polar opposite of worrying is not worrying, and I should add the caveat that not worrying about anything isn't good for long periods of time, but is theraputic in the short term.

Man, I love having advice to give. I bet one day, if not already, I'll be insufferable. But it's so exciting when you learn something new that changes your outlook on life. So bear with me. whenever. if you feel like it. Yeah, so this is a warning that the next paragraph is all about personal revalations.

I learned that most of the hurt I felt and also the distrust I had stemmed from the fact that I didn't feel like a worthwhile person anymore. I mean, I'd look at other girls and think, "They're prettier, who's to say he wouldn't like them better?" I mean, yuck! how do you get over hearing stuff like that in your head every time you go outside? It's total crap. But sometimes, it takes a while to realize it IS total crap.

So bascially that's what happened this week. I just have to keep giving myself the Stuart Smalley Speech, and I'll be free to be happy. Amazing how simple, and yet how difficult that can be :)

Sooo. . .this is the last week home. Early Friday (6AM in fact) I'm off to Hawaii. Crazy. Freaking Crazy. This is a last call for addresses if you want postcards!



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Find your flavor here!



Oh dear. . Innocent? Geesh, all my hard work just doesn't pay off! ;)

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