Saturday, May 18, 2002

FOR MY MERRIMENT

I must say my faith in humanity is restored. Star Wars: Episode II was FREAKING AWESOME. I haven't had so much fun at a movie in a long long time. Anakin was legitimately creepy, in a posessive insecure boyfriendy sort of way. I was impressed how well the actor carried it off. It was fascinating, to see a boy so powerful worshipping a girl and resting all his love and happiness on her. It was scary. You could occasionally see it in her eyes, that twinge of fear mixed with care. CREEEPY!! the script was a bit dry, but I don't care. There were so many excellent, jaw clenching scenes. SO EXCITING!!

I'm beginning to think either I'm more highly attuned to certain themes that resonate with my life, or else life is trying to resonate with me. There was definitely a theme of bloody revenge going on (which I don't feel after this week, but could understand) carried between Episode II and also the latest episode of BuffyTVS. But what really hit home was

SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT (ok, might not be, but I thought I'd better be over-cautious)

what really hit home was the ending scene of Episode II. Anakin and Padme get married, all alone in the countryside, despite the fact that love is forbidden to Jedi. They kiss and look like joyful young newlyweds for a moment, and then it leaks from their faces. They turn to face outward, hand in hand; they realize the significance of what they have done, how dangerous it is, how likely it is to tear them apart in the future. But they stand against that, because they have to. They love eachother, and that cannot be ignored.

Yeah, it hit home. Trying to work out things with Dave feels very much like that. Like there is the possiblity of even more pain and heartbreak, that perhaps it really is doomed. But that just doesn't matter much. My heart is on the mend, and I've gotta try. I can't ignore what feelings I have left for him, which are the deepest buried ties that I couldn't uproot. I have to try. *sigh* so now I sit here, at home, waiting for Episode III, and waiting to see what will happen.

All in all, I'm so happy I went to Hiram. There's people I'm not jealous of anymore. I felt like I had left everything so up in the air at the end of the semester, and this gave me the chance to just hang out with friends, and make true, unharried closure for the summer. I didn't solve a whole lot, but I ended a chapter or two of my life. And I got to see Alice too! It was worth it.

THANKS CLAY!!!

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