Today, I woke up, rubbed my eyes, and thought to myself, "Today isn't going to be a good day." I guess it's right thoughtful of my brain to let me know right off the bat. It isnt' a bad day, really. I spent most of the day doing low-stress things in the lab, a little time sitting with folks (ok, started off with some awkward silence, but melted into pleasant fun), Chinese class, and then more lab time.

Today is rather odd--calm and quiet. You know, if love is indeed a battlefield, then I would best describe today's feeling as standing out in the middle of this battlefield, surrounded by dead bodies. The war is over, indeed. All that's left. . . there isn't anything left. It's rather dissapointing, somehow. All of that heartbreak, all the drama, the tears, two years of happiness is adding up to this? Dave says he feels like the last two years were a detour on the road to finding himself. I half agree with him there. I know I should be upset with such a statement, since it's saying that it did not help him, really. I hate feeling like all of that has been dismissed as "pleasant" But I understand. Today, it feels like we are left with nothing. And what's more, the whole wedge between our relationship was a disparity in feelings. So, chalk it up to unfair life, Amber, and move on.

I don't know how I'm going to treat love from now on. If ever my heart trembles in that direction again, and I'm sure it will in some way, will fear be there as well? how I would love now would be so different from two years ago, when I wasn't really looking for it. I remember saying it, looking down at Dave smiling up at me with those warm brown eyes . . .saying and realizing all at the same moment: "I think I'm falling in Love with you."

That moment wasn't for nothing. I think if you keep travelling straight through life in search of yourself, you miss alot of wonderful things along the way. More than that, it takes a wise person to know which path is the right path to be walking, and detours can still get you to your destination.