Music for today: "White Wedding" by Billy Idol

That song fucking rocks. Why today's song? It's a nice day to. . .START AGAIN!!!

Ok, so that's not aimed at just me, but mainly at me. Mom and I went shopping, shopping, shopping, and talked alot about relationships over salads at Longhorn Steakhouse. Just like the old days. She had alot of advice, alot of good advice. What bit of wisdom did she pass along? That I should just stay out of certain issues that don't concern me anymore. And dammit, I've dealt with her too long to think she is wrong about that. See, I've got to let go, especially let go of Dave. It's hard when you live on this campus and see these people every day, and especially since I'm still going to love him as a friend for a long long time. But yeah, it's the last sorce of pain, wondering all the time what he's thinking and up to. And I keep saying, "Amber, you've gotta let go"

Good lesson to learn: your mind does whatever the fuck it wants to. It's in charge. You're not. I'm not going into a psychological debate on this one.

Needless to say, I'm having trouble listening to that one. Alot like when I was afraid of gremlins, but I'd still wait for the commercial on Drunk Driving that they'd appear in every day after Rainbow Brite. I would wait eagerly and watch all of it and then be fucking scared for hours afterwards. Yeah, alot like that. It, in a way, is desensitization. . . but it's also mental scab-picking.

I need to let go, and the majority of the time I feel like I have. More every day. But there are moments. . . . ack.

Mom also attempted to describe my perfect man. It involved "funny hair, interesting looking hiking boots, a desire to travel" Maaaybe she's right. It doesn't matter. If he appeared at my door tomorrow, maybe I'd go to Borneo with him. But my heart is still stuck other places. Come back when you feel like it, you evil crumpled thing.