ANYONE INTERESTED IN MEANINGLESS SEX?

heh, thought that might get your attention. Apparently, almost no one is. Bummer for me. It might as well not be possible. I'm starting to get a bit anxious here. . .and I'm not sure what to do about it. But that's fodder for some other rant--I'm sure I'll be just like this tomorrow too.

Let me just say that, I love hobby stores, comic book shops . . .the little spaces packed with geekdom as far as the eye can see. Every one of them, I always feel welcome in. Maybe it's the rows of familiar games, the gleaming displays of dice. . . or maybe it's that I have breasts and such things are a rare occurance outside the inked lines of a comic book in such a place. My kind, the roleplaying girl, is a rare breed--rarer still if we're decent looking. It's fun to walk in, and start browsing around like I have a purpose. I get to pretend to create this air of mystery. I always linger in the White Wolf roleplaying games section, look quizzically over the Changeling player's guide. They've got to wonder what I'm doing here. Especially when I obviously know my way around the place. It's an ego trip, pure and simple. But I belong there, and that makes it all the more fun.

Just this weekend, I journeyed to one such store in Ohio to buy a Pit Zombie Gnoll Chainail figurine (yeah!) for my brother. I did my routine, grabbed the box, and made my purchase. Just as I was about to leave, I heard a voice. . . small with a german accent:

"Excuse me, miss, could I persuade you to take a fortune cookie?"

I turned around. There before me was a typical sight--two young gentlemen hunched over a table covered with Magic cards. But there was something quite different about this scenario. . . the table was also covered in a field of fortune cookies. How they had gotten so many, I will never know. It was providence I guess. So one of the guys, the one to whom belonged the accent, a long ponytail, and glasses, dropped a broken cookie in my hands. I gave them my best pretty girl smile, feeling rather generous--can you see my hulking ego shining through here? And went on my way.

These days, it seems like fortune cookies never have fortunes in them. Only dumb proverbs or just lucky numbers. But this one, passed on to me by an oracle with a green Magic deck, had an honest-to-god fortune:

"Your love of music will play a prominent role in your life."

ok, I thought. Sure, why not? It wasn't until today, after I listened to the song Dave had wrote to the lyrics I had given him--a song composed in under 24 hours--that I realized, the fortune was true. Dave and I had just been talking about songs, how these days it seems so amazing that complete strangers could recreate our misfortunes so keenly true. Somehow, I offered up writing lyrics to a song, and he agreed to do the music half of it. I wrote it that night. The next day, there was a melody to go along with it.

Now, I know what you're thinking. "oh Gawwddd. . . a love song written by two jilted lovers! this has got to be the sappiest, silliest thing ever written!" Well, I don't know how anyone else would feel about it. But somehow I think we stumbled on to a little bit of something wonderful. It has made me more content, to blend our talents like this together, to give a little word to my pain, to our good days. It's been hard realizing that right along with not marrying Dave, I will not be raising his children either. I really wanted to. Wanted so much some day to blend myself with someone so wonderful. And in a way, that is what I'm getting to do now. This song, it's our lovechild, and it may sound silly, but it's true. We're both truly alone now. But maybe we've brought something better into the world, and we've done that together. Maybe the world doesn't suck completely. Nah, I think it still does for now.